safety

tonight i started a writing class way up on a hill in noe valley. when i walk to my car at 10:30 it is super quiet. i see little twinkly lights from hills all around. no shoping carts, it would be too hard to push them up here. a man locks his car with the remote and the beep makes me jump. as i get in my little honda civic a man is across the street and i feel a touch of panic, he is a serial killer in the guise of a young urban professional and is going to push his way in. luckily he does not choose me to be his victim. back by sf general i find a spot around the block by the parking garage. i hear the little house of young party people laughing. a blond woman is walking from the hospital, looking nervous. traffic is coursing as usual down potrero, a stereo blasts bad r and b. i pass our backyard neighbors' apartments, lily's shop, the building pat manages and round the corner to my street. there is the usual paper blowing around, and sparkly glass, and i know for sure there are mentally ill and/or heroin addicts nearby having hallucinations, shooting up in the walgreen's parking lot, or throwing their empty bottles into the street by the bus stop. but i don't feel that panic i felt up on that pretty clean hill. it's certainly not safer here. i get to my door and see the miles-made decorations plastered on the glass and i am home safe. it feels safer because it's what i know. for good or for bad my fight or flight mechanism has adapted to life at 23rd and potrero, the mission, san francisco 2007.