tiburon soccer game

due to my fear of the bridges around here in earthquake country miles and i took an epic journey to his soccer game in tiburon on bus, ferry, on foot and finally in a taxi.

tiburon is very beautiful, with the bay all around, pretty houses up the sides of hills, little stores and restaurants, boats and more boats, perfectly blue sky, no garbage, no loud buses or sirens.  sitting in a restaurant on the water, eating a kid meal burger while i sipped coffee to try and deny a hangover, miles noted that everyone in tiburon looked the same.  he was right.  same clothes, same hairstyle, same hair color, same skin color.  several older men drove by in expensive looking race cars.  when miles' soccer team showed up the homogeneity was broken up a tiny bit by our mexican, samoan, african-american, and asian soccer players.  they were robbed of the game, which was 2-2 and should have been a win for us.  yes, us, that is how close i feel to my kid's soccer team.

the ferry took us back to pier 41 and we walked off into a sea of action.  a band covered current pop hits so well the crowd was dancing like crazy, people from all over putting their hands in the air, babies being bounced in strollers, drunk tattooed mamas, navy uniformed folks from fleet week, japanese tourists with cameras and big black rimmed glasses.  it was a par-tay, with thousands of people out to hear bluegrass, see ships, watch blue angels. like a benevolent many-eyed monster a gagantuan cruise ship watched over us.

Tiburon(above), Pier 41 (below)

miles had spoken about how he liked the peace in tiburon, asking also, of course, how much the houses cost there.  but we both agreed that, tonight at least, we liked the energy of the city better.  in the cooling early evening we walked along office parks with funky fountains and statues and dinosaur-era trees and plants before we saw two teenagers selling these awesome hats they painted themselves.  i splurged and got one for miles--it looked just right on his head.

lathe of heaven by ursula k leguin

i read this fantastic book over the weekend.  it is a short and inspiring read, go here for reviews.  

special ed doesn't sound right

the other day my kids were playing school and one of the kids was playing "the naughty kid".  and this naughty kid was doing and saying all kinds of very hilarious and bordering on hysterically silly things and i was really enjoying watching my kids play together so well (it is rare, lemme' tell ya') and then suddenly this naughty kid said "i'm in special ed."

well, i was not prepared for what happened next, which was that i started bawling and had to leave the room to calm down.  and both of my kind children followed me trying to make me feel better, the empathetic one hugging me and saying she was sorry i was so sad and the other one defensively  explaining that it was the naughty kid character who said that, but really, what was revealed in this slip from my kid's mouth was not that he dislikes anyone in particular, but that subconsciously "special ed" means something very negative to him.

this might be ok except everyone at my son's school, and at many schools, continues to refer kids in special day classes as "the special ed kids".  i really do not see this phenomenon as much when kids are all in inclusion.  we had a long talk and my daughter had a good point--she doesn't know what to call "those kids" because she doesn't know their names.  boo hoo, i cried a little more.  then i emailed my son's fabulous teacher with a list of a bunch of ideas.  and she let me know that she gives the kids the same redirect if she hears (not usually used negatively) the term "special ed kids", and tells the kids the student's name.

as long as the special day classes exist in their present form here are my random ideas for my son's school, which i know has a lot of challenges in getting kids from different classes to spend time together:
*use name tags , especially for kids who are nonverbal, when kids who are unfamiliar are playing or working together
*let kids take turns picking favorite music and have a dancing corner of the yard with music and a fun and encouraging adult
*put the trampoline or big ball out on the yard and have kids from all classes take turns jumping or rolling with an adult supervising
*give some kids from the special day classes those little three wand bubble holders so they can share
*get out some water for the water paint wall and make sure there are enough brushes for any kids in the sdc classes who want to paint and more to share
*get a wagon for the younger kids to sit in and pull each other
*have some open ended chase games going on with adult facilitation
*do some reverse mainstreaming for kids to go into the special day class classrooms for free play

ok, you can probably see that these are all stolen from preschool, but if kids have trouble with social interaction, difficulty understanding the rules of games, motor planning issues, then they will like activities with  props and facilitated turn-taking at recess.  it is not rocket science.  in fact, many kids like dancing to music, blowing bubbles, open-ended art and sensory motor activities like jumping and rolling.  and yes, you can probably see that all these ideas involve adult facilitation, but if all the kids in the special day class have IEPs, then they all have goals,and if the goals involve social interaction, then what better time to work on this is while having fun on the yard, with their typically-developing peers?  having fun and developing friendships??  why isn't this happening more?

anyway, this is getting long, sorry.

the day after my meltdown my son came home and shared that he had sat with the students in one of the special day classes at lunch.  i found out later his teacher is encouraging kids to mix it up by sending tables with the most kids from different classes out to recess first.  whatever works.  and one of these kids, my son reported, is super fast, and they played chase at recess.  this made us both feel good. and now he knows this student has a name, and he can use it.  thank you to the teacher who encouraged this connection.

keep moving forward, and make it fun.

j

sometimes, when kids are ornery and i am well, just not having fun being with them i wonder why i don't just work more and keep them in an after school program every day.  but afternoons like this, laid back and peaceful and silly, plenty of time for homework and playing with pets, and punctuated by maya's living room drawing class (this is miles' beautiful tree) i am grateful that i have extra time at home with these two people i love so much.

it may look cluttered to some, but i noticed  "home" painted on the metal window cover (can someone tell me what the word for this thing is??  i didn't grow up in a place where windows needed to be protected overnight) on the corner store this morning while getting a much needed iced coffee before heading to work. i love it.

here is my poor urban child trying to play soccer with his friend during a visit.  note his poor urban sister screaming in terror as the ball approaches.  no room in the yard because of those pesky plant beds.

and here is a visual cue created by my first grader.  definitely looks a bit like the visual cues we use at my work with not very verbal preschool visual learners.  she has been wanting to play school constantly lately, always taking the teacher role.  she seems kind, patient, and creative, which makes me think her teacher is good this year.  however, during school play about 90% of the time my daughter is dealing with behavior.  one doll gets a sticker for good behavior, another gets warning checks, a stuffed basset hound gets very jealous of the doll's sticker.  there are many references to this chart which tells the student to "keep eyes on the teacher" "don't talk" "raise your hand" "stop" and "sit cross-legged".  when is asked why playing school is not more about learning things i was told that this was "behavior school".  i asked if real school was like this and was told no, but it is hard not to wonder.

i can also see that playing/being teacher gives my daughter a socially  acceptable way to have total control during play.  i know she can't stand playing school with her brother because he always plays the back-talking class clown who she has to discipline.  maybe they both need that, being in and being out of control.  maybe we all need some more of one of those things...

the association, pta video


my very exhausted pta president friend sent me this awesome video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p09tvwvHnsU


enjoy!

out for a drink tonight at the homestead with two mama friends. we got carded which is starting to seem so ridiculous.  the guy checking ids said he was three years older than us.  i politely lied and said i would have carded him, too. we had a few old fashioneds and my friend scared me by demonstrating how fast her new electric tesla could fly on a city street.

we talked tonight about how our city kids were growing up in a place where they cannot help but be aware of socioeconomic differences.  we are in the middle of a huge pile.  it's not just a matter of who has more toys or cars around here.  some people are sleeping in the dirt, and others have several homes and travel to asia and take many vacations.  somehow my not so diverse childhood made me less concerned with money, and i am not quite sure this is a good or a bad thing.  we will see how it all pans out.

three little girls were chanting on the playground today about how mitt romney could not be allowed to win.  right now i hear a bunch of drunk kids outside chanting something at the bus stop.  what could it be?

recently i am seriously craving some peace and quiet. a place in the woods, with drips of water falling from wild rhododendrons or a fast moving river over rocks.  tired of drunk chanters and angry men with microphones yelling about jesus, and airplanes and buses and cars.

that electric car was wonderfully quiet, the sound of no garbage entering the air.
goodnight.

giant value seals

maya spotted a man "sleeping in the dirt" today as we drove from bayshore to potrero.  seconds later she saw someone lying on the hill in the skate park, neatly tucked in under a tan blanket, rock-like in the grass.  she yelled "look" and then asked very seriously if we should invite people who are homeless into our home. she said it in a way that let me know the idea scared her a bit. but i was glad she asked.  when i told her she could give money to a shelter that would help find places for people to stay she quickly decided she would give away all her money.  then she changed her mind and said she would give "some".  she needs to save some for herself to buy hello kitty marshmallow lollipops at walgreens.

ranting helicopter parent

i think of urban kids as being more affected by helicopter parenting because of the physical environment--we are with the kids more as we drive them everywhere, can't let them loose outside in the crazy neighborhood with lots of traffic.  i have also read some convincing arguments that parents have become more and more involved with their children's lives as a result of marriage becoming less important, or being perceived as a partnership for parenting. these things make sense.

but i also wonder if parents like me are so involved with their kids' lives because of the depressing news we hear about almost daily.  my kids go to school in a urban district state that is 49th out of 50 for education funding. hearing day after day about education cuts, including early education and college, makes me feel like i have to be involved in my kids' education.    parents think so much about private preschools because they have to pay so much money for them, and want to make sure their kid is getting as much into their little brains as possible before they have to enter the underfunded education system.  and ultimately parents are thinking about the future we keep hearing about with economic and climate disaster, etc etc.

we want our offspring to make it through and thrive and have good lives, and we don't feel like society as it is will provide it, so we pour all our resources into our own kids.  i think about the money we are spending on dance class, soccer, and now maya's drama class.  i know a lot of folks who pay for tutors for their elementary kids who are doing quite well in school. all this money adds up.  it could be going into funding a school system that would be better for all the kids in our society.  but the way our society is set up kids are a low priority.  so we helicopter to try and make sure they will be ok anyway.  and while helicoptering all our energy goes into our own kids.

where will this pattern lead?  to more and more inequality, right?

how can we get to a place where kids are the most important people instead of the least?  a plane to finland?

happy homemaker

on my days off work and kids  i know there are many productive things i could be engaged in.  working and making money, for one.  working on a creative or artistic project.  doing some type of work for the common good.  the world is in need of  serious intervention, and i know it.  however, i am finding that i slip into a domestic meditative state that i really enjoy.  folding laundry, sweeping the floor, watering the garden, putting kids clothes away, paying bills, making tempeh and vegetables, baking oatmeal muffins.  it is sunny and the windows are open and someone's smooth jazz sounds good coming through the back window.  in an hour i will walk up potrero hill to get my kids, taking my time through the starr king open space. cleaning and feeding and keeping things going need to be done, but could be done much more efficiently.  instead of feeling guilt over not making money or producing something of value i am trying to be ok with just having some time, all alone save for the dog and guinea pig, that is simply pleasurable and easy.

sidewalk scaping appreciation video

walking through the mission, an unscripted homage to sidewalk scaping.

my ambitious son told me yesterday he wanted to live in the country when he grew up, in point arena. he would buy part  of our friend's land and then build a huge house, with a huge trampoline he could jump on all the time, and a soccer field.  he said he would stay in the city if he could live in a quiet part, with his own soccer field to play on. when we talked about how cities are good because people share common land, and how native americans didn't even think land could be owned, etc etc, he reconsidered and said that he would buy a house in a city next to a huge soccer field, buy it, and let other people and dogs play on it, too. he then asked me if i knew how much professional soccer players make..."millions, every game! yeah, baby!"  some of us have more drive to own, and own big, than others, all i can work on with my acquisitive kid is  making it seem just as rewarding to give as to acquire.  living in a small city space with a shared yard  could lead to desires for grandeur and space, but also to an appreciation of plants growing out of a former sidewalk square.

tacolicious fundraiser

tacolicious on valencia street at 18th is supporting my kids' school, starr king elementary.
they are giving a nice chunk of their profits from each monday in september to the school.  the owners have kids in another san francisco public school and do this as a very generous way to give back to the larger community.  so go to tacolicious and splurge on delicious tacos and drinks.  i went last night and liked the tuna tostadas, the heirloom tomato salad, and the pitchers of margaritas--one regular, one with watermelon.  remind me that i am too old to drink alcohol on a work night, though.  none of the kids seemed to mind that i had a headache all day.

size matters

my current caseload is only at 65% of the maximum number of students it is recommended i work with, and i have been able to DO MY JOB for these first weeks of school. i have had time to consult with the preschool teachers and parents.  i have created systematic home practice programs for most of the kids.  i have started one kid with a step by step device and trained the classroom staff on how to use it with him.  i have been able to do some 1:1 pull out sessions to teach new skills and then had time to help the child generalize these skills in the classroom.  i have been building relationships with all my new little students on the autism spectrum. i have been busy as a bee working on visual supports for communication--see some examples of my fine iphone photography above for those students who just don't understand what those picture icons are all about.   i have been able to plan out activities and make materials ahead of the day of.   i have been taking daily notes on progress towards goals.   i have even had time to eat lunch!

it would be fantastic if my caseload stayed this low, but it won't.  it won't, that is, unless some of the  students can move on to less restrictive settings.  we will see how it all unfolds.  it is exciting to feel like you are doing your job.  it is exciting to see little people moving forward into the unlimited world of symbolic language.

long long break

well, after a blogging break like i never took before i need to ease back into things.  so yes, a rambling post.

summer has already blurred over, but looking at my photo library we had: a visit from my dad and stepmom with a ridiculous kite in a tree rescue and some nice grandparent and grandchild bonding. lots of dug up emotion from childhood which bobs to the surface each time i see my father. my friend who fled to the suburbs of chicago came to stay with us and made me miss her again so much.  there was lots of golden gate park time for me and maya while miles went to tennis camps.  there was plenty of wine.  camp mather, with that pool in the redwoods and a new group of friends formed around the ping pong table.  kayaking on the russian river, and weeks and weeks in sonoma with my mom, swimming in the pool for hours each day, the sun beating down, lots of fruits and vegetables and time in the green town square.  while many of our friends jetted from coast to coast, and off to hawaii and china and beyond we stayed,once again, very local.

and now we are back in the city and school and work.  i see more clearly each year how the preschool special education system should work a lot better and it makes me want to fight.  change is very slow.  and i feel part of a much larger fight in which education and kids are a low priority.  i have been fuming driving to work and listening to republican speeches and sound bites.  my kids have it pretty good this year, with four solid teachers, but i am not satisfied with the way my school district is supporting the "economically disadvantaged" kids at their school.

being a parent, and working in a school system, and seeing the general big systems of our world more and more clearly because i have to wonder how they will affect the lives of my kids and students as they grow i've started to feel very small and powerless at the same time that i am  gaining knowledge.  is there a way to funnel this knowledge into something productive and fulfilling?   i would like to figure this  out before i get too old.

and believe it or not, still thinking about fleeing the city sometimes.  maya and i were feet away from a horrible fight on the number 9 bus  a few days ago.  a 50 year old man and a young guy with an attitude yelling  at each other and shoving and then the older guy hitting the younger--then more shoving and a woman in a wheelchair screaming about babies being on the bus and me holding maya and finally the older guy was hit in the back with a mcdonald's strawberry milkshake and ran away as the police pulled up.  the constant traffic noise has me fantasizing about closing down our street.  there are constant sounds of engines.  i read ecotopia for the 15th time.  i am an occasional peeping tom on facebook especially with friends who are living out in nature, but then i will admit it, i imagine myself living many people's lives and wondering if i would be happier there, it's just a thing i do.

if anyone is reading this, please do me a favor and let me know what you would like me to write more about.  i will do it for you...

pinnacles national monument

my teacher friend and i took our three kids on an overnight road trip to pinnacles national monument.
there was a very cold swimming pool and a very empty, post-memorial day weekend campground.  we took the hike to bear gulch reservoir which led through a tunnel and two caves, and along some cliff edges which gave me some major vertigo but which i survived.  miles was very kind to me as i clung to the rock wall.  we reached the reservoir at the top (pictured above) just in time to to see a gray fox wind his way down to the water to take a drink.  this morning my friend took the two older kids on a hike almost to the top of the pinnacles.  maya and i stayed below in micro-nature, clearing a space on the ground and building an elaborate tiny village with rocks and sticks right next to a real-live babbling  brook.

along with the fox we saw:
lizards,
bats,
lots of california condors, which are extremely rare
many rabbits,
many quail families
many ground squirrel families

during the night i had a nightmare in which i was living in a housing complex of some sort where a group of people had become violent and were yelling and screaming and shooting guns.  in the dream i was desperate to keep my kids safe and didn't know where to go.  the dream woke me up and when i was fully awake i heard a pack of coyotes howling and yelping in the night.  straight above were countless stars but no one else was awake to see them.

highly recommended campground and hikes, especially if you are not afraid of heights!

carnaval 2012, kindergarten graduation

pineapple weed growing in a sidewalk crack, 23rd street by the hospital

maya's kindergarten graduation, note the emotion in the backs of the audience members

a dancer in the most excellent carnaval parade today. reminded me of new orleans more than usual, especially the haitian,bolivian, and peruvian crews.  

 at parque ninos de unidos the free farm stand was giving away acme bread, lettuces, pepper seedlings, chard, basil, and these flowering herbs.  the kids ran around high on candy from the parade topped with a watermelon ice pop (no watermelon, chocolate seeds).  miles and his buddy watched two teenagers with skin color and styles somewhat similar to theirs leaning on each other in the grass and laughing with some cute girls and miles said that that would be him and his buddy when they got older.  the neighborhood was full of the buzz of visitors for carnaval, and 23rd street was lovely as usual with landscaped sidewalks and friendly neighbors.  some happy and drunk older men had a pet siamese cat with them eating catfood beside their beer cooler.  tonight miles asked me to meditate with him, which we did with a hokey ipad app.  i am feeling melancholy about my kids growing up so fast, what else is new...

it is what it is

a friend started telling me about how great it was for her kids when they visited a friend in napa. a big backyard, a tree house, a homemade hot tub, the kids just go off and play for hours. she said her friends just don't realize how hard it can be with kids in the city. as we talked our boys were running around on a soccer field, the girls on a playground with a view of the bay over to oakland, red tailed hawks very high above in the cool clouds. i started my questions of "why are we here then, are we just crazy?", and she replied, probably annoyed at how often i go down this trail of thinking (as you probably are, dear readers)"it is what it is.". this is a saying I have heard many times, and which usually sounds kind of meaningless, but today it seemed right. i need to start thinking more in this zen like way or I will go nuts wondering if i am squandering my kids' lives, and mine, by being in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing. it is hard, but there are good things here, and it is what it is. the kids and I watched a great little documentary today called beavers, and i actually found myself wishing i was a beaver, swimming in the clear cold water up in the mountains, surrounded by aspen trees. i will never be a beaver, and i may never live in the country by a river, and i most definitely will never have any certain knowledge that i am making the right choices about where and how to live. this morning we all went to st. francis for breakfast and then miles and i took a very sweet and aimless walk around the neighborhood. we wandered up to harrison street which was closed off for the start of carnaval, and bumped into his school nurse, our neighbor, who mentioned ping pong. and there was the mission rec center right across the street. we went in and found some serious chinese senior citizens playing ping pong. salsa music was blasting in the center as people walked on treadmills and big men played handball in the little squash courts. another chinese family was hanging out, and without much language in common the mom and i assembled the third ping pong table and played doubles for quite a while with her ten year old girl. as we walked back in the sun, talking about architecture and graffiti, miles said that this was a pretty good day so far, and a pretty good summer so far. and i agreed.

edsource report

a brief conversation with a fellow parent this morning had my flee the city alarms ringing.  this parent recently went through a credentialing program to become a teacher, but this is not a good time to be hired in the schools, so she has gone back to work in the non-profit world.  she mentioned considering fleeing not just the city, but california.  she actually has options to move out of the country.

if you have time,  read this edsource report.  click download for the whole thing.  it will either make you want to go out and advocate for tax initiatives that may help the schools, or flee to another state.  or country.  i am sure you know this already, dear readers, but california is a mess.  a beautiful, complicated, mess.

repeat to self: look at my own kids, they are doing fine, they are doing fine.  and where would we flee anyway?  delaware?  a ritzy suburb somewhere?  canada?  i am not sure there is anywhere we could go, and say we did make it out of here to some land far away, how would it feel to be so alone?

there is history of people fleeing unacceptable conditions for promises from far-away lands. all of my ancestors left europe for america during the last two-hundred years.  my best friend left messy california for the relative wealth and stability of the midwest.   there is also history of people staying to fight those unacceptable conditions.  i am starting to feel that i need to step up my efforts to  improve things for our kids and state if we are not going to flee, but how?  it is daunting, but seems imperative.    and do we need an escape plan if things get really really bad?  the economy is getting pretty bad, and it is hard not to wonder if i am just duping myself believing that this is a good place to raise my kids.

once again, repeat to self:  look at your kids, they are doing fine, they are doing fine.  they like school, they have friends, they are at grade level or above, they are healthy and often very happy.

read the report and spread it around.

the map is the territory

tonight i went out with some co-workers to celebrate and say goodbye to two fellow speech and language pathologists who are getting married and moving away.  one to vegas and one to germany.  it was nice.  at the restaurant i bumped into an old friend from delaware who was going to an art opening later near my house.  i went on the way home and my friends from delaware were already gone but i spent a lot of time looking intently at this amazing amazing artwork.  i love that the gallery where this art was shown is two blocks from my home.  i wish i had $2000 bucks to spare to bring home this beautiful work.

one of our guinea pigs died last night and the kids were devastated.  it is so sad to see my boy child unable to express his feelings.  all he can express articulately is anger and joy.  he cried so hard and hid behind the couch sobbing when he heard the news.  i tried to tell him that he didn't have to talk but that i was here if he needed someone just to hug him but he just sobbed harder and put his hand up saying "don't, just don't".  it seems pretty biological how hard it is for boys to express their feelings.  my daughter, on the other hand, accepted her parents' hugs and cried about how she was heartbroken and accepted comfort. this morning she woke up early and  wrote this poem (spelling  corrected):

love will be found

he died, died, but i still love him
he was a great great friend
but there was a end

and he wasn't there again
prince mermaid