black lightning and local cultchuh

last night i was up obsessively researching mandarin immersion language programs which, as i suspected, have some definite challenges. are we up for them? we are waiting to find out if miles gets into our neighborhood school's mandarin immersion program, which has pros and cons, but is walkable and sounded like a safe bet in this hellish lottery process. if the program worries me too much, or if miles hates it, we could always transfer, (here is the biggest challenge i'm worried about:

"Some partial immersion teachers of the upper elementary grades report particular difficulties in teaching advanced-level subject matter because students’ cognitive development is at a higher level than their proficiency in the immersion language (Met & Lorenz, 1997). This challenge becomes more pronounced in programs where the immersion language is character-based since literacy development is more timeconsuming and demanding (Met, 2002). Promoting student understanding of more abstract and complex concepts in full immersion programs becomes increasingly difficult by the upper elementary grades resulting at times in teacher use of English to ensure concept mastery(Fortune, Tedick & Walker, forthcoming; Met & Lorenz, 1997). ")

or flee the city. also last night i was up wondering why we are still here. wouldn't it be simpler if we had moved to some nice suburb with nice predictable school systems and cheaper houses and less poo on the street, as most of my friends did? i wanted to stay here for the community, but that community has largely disappeared from our lives. but where would we go?

this morning miles was talking a lot about the mexican wrestling show he saw with maya's babysitter's 5 year old over spring break. he mentioned men without shirts, with masks, one jumping into glass. this isn't a show we would have let him see, but he'd loved it. we ended up making him a mask from some black and blue duct tape and a ski hat with eye, nose, and mouth holes. he said his wrestling name was black lightning and wrestled for quite a while with rich, which i'm sure our downstairs neighbors loved at 8 am.

later i took maya on a stroll around the mission. we went up 24th and got tasty coffee at sugarlump. galeria de la raza was working on an installation. a youth art festival is coming up at brava theater. maya liked a new mural of some wierd looking kids in masks, one of whom she decided was a lion. we walked over to the park and on the way saw some kids painting outside the red poppy.
these two cool young women (i'm feeling old) asked us if maya wanted to make some art. she put many smelly markers up to her nose and made some lines and dots with them. she painted some more lines on a big sheet hanging on the wall. a little 3 year old girl next to us perfectly painted her and her brother's names: xochitl and alejandro. i was amazed. other kids were painting suns, monsters, blobs. an acquaintance from miles' younger days walked by and his mom invited us to a group family camping trip she's planning. a drum circle was going on at caesar chavez elementary, pounding and banging ringing noises through the streets.

and later i took miles to a free introductory mommy and child yoga class up in bernal heights. it was fun, with miles learning to be a seed growing into a vegetable, a butterfly, a snake, a frog, a tree, and even helping me do some stretches. i don't think i liked it enough for $10 a person, but maybe.

and hey i forgot, also stopped at the very close by million fishes gallery to get a schedule for yoga classes they are offering. i went inside and chatted with the woman there. i told her i had been there years before, when our dog chicken's friend geo the dog lived there. i could tell she was from the east and was right, connecticut. we shook hands and she said she was glad to meet me. i liked her smile.

so, my stomach is still sick about the school thing. and i'm forever sad about all the leaving people. but the other people leaving is not my choice. it is out of my control. we have chosen to stay, at least for right now. so i know what i need to do is figure out how to really dig in and find who and what i need to be happy, right here and now. because i don't think there is a place we could go to find it and i don't expect anyone from my past in san francisco to return.

excuse me, it's late. bye bye

chapter books

school list has been handed in again. we will see in a month where the san francisco unified computer sends us...

today another friend told me she is moving. when is this gonna end? i want to catch all you loveable people in a big net and keep you here but it isn't happening. you know who you are, friend and you are one of the dearest i have met out here, not connected to the east coast life at all, just a cool lady neighbor i met 5 years ago, with an amazing family. hope we can keep in touch.

i just finished reading autumn in moominvalley
to miles. i'm sure much of it was over his head but he listened carefully anyway. i've had this paperback since i was about 8 or 9. this is an amazing and beautiful little children's book, about figuring out our own wants and needs and makes me appreciate all the great literature my parents found for me when i was a kid. i hope that miles and maya will love reading as much as i do. some of the books i want to find for him...

all the oz books
the moomintroll books
secret garden
roald dahl
no flying in the house
cricket in times square
beverly cleary
harriet the spy
phantom tollbooth
mouse and the motorcycle
ginger pye

these just popped in my head. any suggestions? i'm sure there are some good kid chapter books written after i turned 12.

wishing we knew more about the fall

wish that i wasn't once again awash in confusion and stress about schools. all that thinking we went through before choosing schools for the first lottery seems like it was an utter waste of time, and now we are trying to figure out what to aim for in the second lottery. immersion? creativity? proximity? i am so so so so tired of thinking about this stuff. the second form is due by friday, then we wait another month while a computer whirls things around and spits things out, then we can still get on a wait pool list and even check out the open enrollment options. goodie can't wait.

starting to feel like i am different from most people i know, who mostly moved away to buy houses or are staying here and sending their kids to private school. hoping i am not, as one friend said months ago and which keeps echoing in my head "sacrificing my children for my liberal ideals." feeling bad.

this weekend? another birthday party, we walked to precita park and bounced in a jumpy castle (with slide, miles has already requested this for next year), watched kids chaotically bat at a stubborn pinata, tried to avoid school talk. maya got in and bounced! finally! on easter the kids found jelly beans the easter bunny sprinkled around the living room and quickly ate them all. then we were invited to uncle mike's for another sugar hunt. i saw THE EASTER SKUNK in his yard, which was pretty exciting. we walked to their park and saw part of a baseball game with a crowd of 90% latino men, horns blowing, delicious smelling bbq, and some close calls and machismo with the umpire.

then last night miles and i hiked up over the highway to check out bring your own bigwheel.
this was a joyous event, me and my boy in the perfect weather amidst mobs of friendly hipsters, watching as big wheels, toddler trucks and tiny tricycles ridden by (mostly)smiling, helmeted grownups in costumes which included evil (evelyn) knieval, a gorilla, a shark, a bulldog, assorted monsters and (gasp) even a teenage mutant ninja turtle zoomed past. i was laughing out loud for much of the race which was a nice change from wondering if i am a terrible unlucky mom who is sending her kid to kindergarten hell in a few months. maybe next year i will take the pink big wheel from our closet, strap on a helmet and some knee pads, and ride that thing down vermont street with the other crazy happy urban goofballs.

better go. i am going to call amtrak to find out options for a cross country train trip this summer....

sunday

went to little nina's 3rd day party at the children's art studio in alameda today. maya did some out of the box and way off the paper hand painting (read:smearing glittery paint all over the paint room with her hands, but they didn't seem to mind) and miles and darby constructed a whip cream machine (it shot whip cream at adults) out of pvc pipes and joints. joy made a homeade cake, thank you.

the croakies weren't looking too good so we spent approximately another 50 bucks and now have a deluxe terrarium set up with heat lamp, air plants, lots of tasty crickets running around. yes, we now have to take care of crickets too, feed them veggies and cotton balls soaked with water and supposedly dust their food with calcium. i admit his is all quite educational, but for who? miles is busy playing teenage mutant engine turtles (don't argue about this one) while rich and i study the frog book and fret about the croakies' ambient temp and cricket diet.

yes, i am purposely holding back about schools because i am so obsessed with school thoughts at this point that if i start writing i may never stop.

today after the birthday party, back in the city i snuck out to try and track down a neighbor and our video store owners to ask them about their kids' schools. it was a perfect sunny afternoon. i chatted with a woman at the bus stop about her 2 year old's harness, as i am thinking of getting one for maya with her elbow issues. 24th st was humming: a mural tour group checking out the water park, people with cones leaving st francis, the old woman by the grocery store with her permanent garage sale laid out on the sidewalk. lots of happy drinking young and aging hipsters in and out of pop's. the bakery smells good, eur0-techno blasting. the neighbor and video store people are out. i stop at the little vintage clothing place to look for a pair of earrings to buy and make myself feel better. virginia is there behind the counter with her 4 month old baby miles. he coos and squawks and smiles and we chit chat but i can't find the right earrings. i remember when i used to go in there almost 5 years ago with my miles that small in his snugli, wandering around on maternity leave looking for some earrings to buy to make myself feel better. on the way home i notice a bunch of trucks on hampshire st and a little tent set up with a woman chopping up fruit. she tells me they are filming a movie set in the mission starring benjamin bratt and written by his brother. right here in my neighborhood. i head home and as i cross the street i look up the hill and see the school to which we were assigned. see, i can't control myself. where miles would probably be in a class of kids from the quite sketchy housing projects, but with a good teacher and principal and kids from all backgrounds in the other classrooms, spanish, mandarin, autism. the school is about 7 blocks up potrero hill, a white building against a blue sky...our neighborhood school...my brain hurts, feels like it is gently crumbling with so much going on inside it.

something else to worry about

well i guess we are not alone. i've been very obssessively reading the sfkfiles blog and so many people got none of their choices. go read the blog for a lively discussion. Among our friends and school buddies at least a third got none of their choices. so, a baby boom, people with more faith in SFUSD, maybe even an effect of so many people reading this blog and wanting the same schools, and what do you get? a whole lot more stress than i really feel equipped to deal with. i was actually just looking at brisbane rentals. but i love my city. i love it a lot.

at rtg today a dad was sitting by the door and 2 little girls were asking him to guess where they were going for kindergarten (so far i know 4 familes got their 1st choice and 4 of us got nothing. hmmm). miles was observing. the dad guessed wrongly may times and finally miles called out with a big crazed smile and a pointing finger "you're going to the school from NOWHERE!!" he thought this was very funny. it made me feel like, well, you can guess.

this photo is rich on his birthday wearing some special gifts.

on another note, we have something new to worry about. 2 little green things, actually. a well-meaning friend gave miles a "frog habitat" (plastic box with a little plastic marsh scene inside) for his birthday. i couldn't stand the begging anymore and we went to petco to get our 2 tiny green tree frogs. now, at least weekly we need to: clean the cage, buy or capture live bugs (but not beetles or ants, frogs don't like them), figure out a place miles can watch croakie and little croakie (i'm afraid these names hold some negative foreshadow) but maya can't open the cage, replenish frog moss and special eco-dirt (yes, that's what it says on the bag), monitor temperature (those of you who know us well know we haven't used our heater in 12 years, but if c. and little c need heat...), and of course talk to our little friends. i am already worried about these fragile little guys, huddled in little spaces with their pulses beating fast in that froggie way under their chins, wondering where the hell they are....

zilch

after all that agonizing we got none of the seven schools we put on our kindergarten application. i guess we are unlucky losers. seems like plenty of people got schools they were happy with but not us. i feel like bad news. like why bum our our friends who didn't have this crappy bad luck.

yes, we will do round 2, waitlist, etc but i have no faith.

this really really brings me down.

Experts

maya and her cast have been on my mind a lot today. i wasn't too pleased at the treatment we reeived at ucsf. things were disjointed--we were sent from one place and person to another and expected to retell the story of what happened. none of the experts really communicated with each other. everyone seemed slightly puzzled. and the final expert, the orthopedist was so busy and backed up she spent less than a minute explaining why she was putting a huge cast on maya. really. i've spent the last 2 days carrying my cell phone in my pocket waiting to hear back from my dr about what he thinks is happening, and hearing from two physical therapist friends that the orthopedist we saw has a wierd/not so good reputation. the more i thought about all this the more i saw that the doctors involved didn't really know exactly what was going on with maya, or what would happen. for an anxious mom like me this is hard to deal with.

as i waited with cell phone in pocket for a dr call that never came we held an iep meeting for a student in my therapy program. listen to this: this kid's family was concerned he might be on the autism spectrum. they mentioned this concern on their intake form with the district but for some reason he was tested only by a speech therapist. she told the parents, after a one-hour meeting with the child, that she thought his social and play issues were mostly due to poor language skills and lack of preschool exposure. he was sent to our program which is only two half-days a week.

my co-teacher and i took one look at this guy and thought he was on the spectrum. very bright. a little hyperlexic. no imaginative play. pouring sand on the same truck over and over by himself for most of outside time each day. echolalia. very distressed by changes in routine. atypical body movements. atypical vocalizations. so we had to go the parents and say what we suspected and ask if it was okay to refer him for more testing. what a rotton roller coaster for this family.

so a very nice very new psychologist came out and tested him and said she saw many autistic-like tendencies but she couldn't qualify him as eligible for services in the school district because she couldn't diagnose him but recommended the parents see a developmental pediatrician. HUH? and we had to make our recommendation that he leave our program for a more intensive five day a week program. this dad was all for getting his son what he needed but what a crummy journey to have to go on.

there is obviously a lot more to write on this subject. but it made me think about how people in my field often talk about the parent being in denial about their child's disability. there are many reasons proposed for this; the difficulty of saying goodbye to the concept of a child you held in your mind, the lack of knowledge about what is developmentally typical. and then there are the parents people complain about who want "too many services" for their kids who think they can cure the kid with the right program. i have a feeling if my child had a disability i'd be right there, trying to get along, trying to be reasonable, but fighting for everything i thought would help.

having trouble trusting the experts.

my little experience so far with maya and her nursemaid's elbow, trivial as it may be compared to a diagnosis of autism has given me a little more insight--it is hard to trust the teachers and speech-language therapists and psychologists when they don't admit it, but don't seem to know what is wrong with your child, or why, or exactly what to do about it.

i have so much respect and admiration for the parents of the kids i work with.

and little you know who, i will miss you so much and know you will do well in your new school.

this dad and i exchanged a teary look during the meeting, really this felt like our first eye contact. taking care of kids, our own and other people's, is deep. or at least it should be

the whole school

the other day everyone was so wiped out that long, long naps were taken and the kids stayed up late. it is hard to predict the mood around here lately, but as we puttered around the house until about 9:30 everyone was mellow and there was very little fighting. miles and maya collaborated on a family portrait of maya's obsession the caperton family. i started playing the same few songs on guitar that are all i have learned in 15 years, deb lenert's magnet moon, token white boy's dark, which was one of tedd's favorites, and the little man song. a lot of the time lately miles pushes my buttons, but look at this sensitive little rocker. he strummed along with a cute little self-conscious smile on his face and when i told him dark was one of my friend tedd's favorite songs miles said it was his favorite, too. and there is a picture of tedd, he pointed out, pointing the the mantle. maya tried fairly successfully to play guitar with one arm and tended to her babies. the darkness outside seemed to calm everyone down.

we are getting ready for the insanely huge crowd we invited to miles' birthday. are we really really crazy?? we invited the whole school. and almost all of them are coming. plus our remaining friends with kids. we will probably get a bounce house. please please rain, stay away, cause 60 people in our apartment will not be pretty...