little things

hmm. the last weeks have been a busy rainy blur. i'm sure i have had some profound and interesting thoughts but they seem to have fled my head. discovery museums, tapas birthday brunches, very sick students, party playhouses, rich's music projects, preschool interviews, rediscovering The Cars with my children, a trip to round table pizza, the culture and excitement just don't stop around here.

the rain has made everything brilliant green. there are pink blossoms on our peach tree and white on the plum. maya is sleeping with a smile on her face under my blue and white quilt in a room filled with the scent of lemon geraniums. i had the day off to take it slow. stop and chat with my owner friend of the 23rd st cafe and her girls after dropping off miles. stop to pick many small flowers on the way home. stop to investigate streams of water in the gutter and painters on scaffolds and say hi to lily the dry cleaner and our neighbor dog little chicken. play cinderella on the back deck in the sun. lie down with my baby girl and listen to the traffic and the fan. ginger flowers in a vase on the table, left over from valentine's day. a tiny plastic bag of dark chocolate chips for lunch.

there is a lot going on that is heavy and complicated, but these little sweet things are what i am concentrating on today.

soon i will wake maya and we will hike up that hill again. i promised miles we would walk the circle maze up on the green top of potrero hill open space. there are wild flowers blooming everywhere there, and little rocks to be pocketed.

xo

year of the ox

lately i have been unable to keep in touch with people. there are a lot of important folks on my to call list. i haven't spoken with my sister in months. and you all know i love to talk.

i love to listen too. but the way things are, communication with far away loved ones becomes very one-sided. blog posts. a little facebook here and there. emails with photos of the kids. it seems like there is so much communication going on, but, and this is painfully obvious i know, reading and writing are not talking. not close. i know email and blogs and facebook are creative modern ways to communicate in our brave new world but sometimes i wonder what these developments are replacing, and how, and why. and if it's okay with me.

here is a photo of miles preparing to march in the chinese new year parade. he did it, he made it, he is a trooper. he had a breakdown before they left the school, and pretty much wouldn't take his eyes off me during the 2-mile march, but he made it!! i was quite proud.

and now miles' teacher is leaving to have her baby. he is sad. and i don't know if it is coincidence, but all the death questions are resurfacing. questions about who will die first in our family. if my grandmother is dead. if his great great grandfather is dead. what it is like to be dead. i'm so bad with this. i'm 40 and haven't figured out much about death yet except i'm painfully afraid of it. i can't lie anymore, like when this topic was approached last year, and say that we just aren't going to die. so my kid is feeling a great loss already, that the teacher he loves is going away, and i guess to him it is something like death. loss is loss, right? we can try to picture her happy with her baby, and know she will visit, but loss is loss.

i have been shedding some tears with him.

but we all know it will all work out all right.

hey people, if you are out there, say hello. let me know how you are. miss you.

xoxoxo

blog from the past

my former bandmate, accordion and guitar player extraordinaire,tall handsome tatar maker of elvis heart pillows and owner of many a cake pan mold created a blog of our old band.

i love the past, and love to revisit it. you are welcome to stop by too.

yusakuta.blogspot.com

more sunny weather

this is maya being cinderella.

went to our friends tiny bungalow yesterday to eat pancakes and bacon and meet their 11/11 newborn. i got to hold her the whole time, her big big eyes staring at me from under her hat. her dad took a tiny space, about as big as our bathroom, and customized it into the sweetest little bedroom, with a window looking out into a bamboo and stone backyard. we look forward to her growing up in our neighborhood.

sunny sunny sunny, wierdly hot and sunny really. the kids collected flowers and sticks in mckinley park and then miles and i made a weapon out of sticks and silver duct tape to match the one donatello has (is that the right ninja turtle?) maya and i made a six-inch sword for her made with sticks and pink duct tape, it's definitely cute. we saw the sun set yesterday at taco bell beach. today we played at the skate park and then went to the bottom of the hill bar for a nordic heavy metal themed chili cook-off/super bowl party. i don't even know who won. there were a lot of old friends and the kids hung in there, eating meatballs, jello and red velvet cake, and running around on the stage behind the huge tv screen, the stage where their daddy has played his guitar.

my mom and dad are both out of the country, and i am feeling it. the unknowns seem piled high right now--miles' new teacher starting tomorrow as his fabulous one is going on maternity leave, my credential and maybe my job in danger as the legislature considers a cheaper "language credential". sick students in the hospital, crazy headlines about droughts and recessions and the next big earthquake and california budgets blaring at me from newspaper dispensers even when i try not to look. other friends waiting for adoptee babies to arrive. my dad down some tiny dirt roads and across bridges i have never heard of in costa rica. i'm feeling the need to hunker down with some people i love and feel grounded.

i guess i can try and do that with my little family here. sometimes a lot of people i love seem so spread out and far away. if you were all closer i think i would enjoy this endless sun and heat more instead of wondering if it is a sign of unknown things to come. we could have a picnic at the beach and watch the ocean slowly slowly rise. things feel peaceful at the ocean's edge.

hope for rain soon.

posted at 4:00 am. xoxo