winter staycation 2011

some photos. it has been a beautiful two weeks off with sun, fog, presents, treats, video games, tennis camp, golden gate park, zoo, cliff house, beach. one of my kids is going through some kind of emotional change, and there have been a lot of tears and angst most evenings, but that is a story for another time. another year has rolled by, another opportunity for resolutions-- which are kind of ridiculous in many ways, but i still have a little hope i can change for the better.

micro bake sale for the food bank

maya and i just finished our micro bake sale. we made peanut butter cookies with hershey's kisses a few days ago, and we managed not to eat them all. this morning we set up a little table and sign right outside our front door. i put the beck radio station on pandora. we cozied up on the cold stoop in our jackets and started waiting. there was something very zen-like about this activity. we looked across the street at the blue sky above the houses and let the traffic flow before out eyes. then the random giving and not giving and getting began. our first customer was a woman who worked at ucsf and gave us $5.00 for one cookie. then many people walked by with just smiles or averted gazes. a happy woman bought two cookies for $1 and ran off laughing on high heeled boots. a confused looking man carrying lots of paper and plastic bags walked by and we gave him two cookies for free. a man walked by and said he would like to buy one but didn't have money so we gave him a cookie. then he ran back with a dollar, he had bumped into his friend down the block, and shouted a huge "merry christmas". our grim-faced neighbor came out of the house and biked away. another neighbor came out and gave us $5.00 for a few cookies for a kind co-worker. a woman from around the corner gave us a dollar for a cookie, then returned in her car, jumped out and gave us $5. more people walked by without looking. a woman tried to communicate with us in spanish, was unsuccessful, then filled a bag with about 10 cookies and walked away, leaving maya with her jaw hanging open. a neighbor from across the street came over and gave us $5 for "la nina" and told us in spanish about how he only had boys and some other things i could not understand at all. bob marley came on the radio. more people went by without stopping. bikers in the bike lane checked us out. we said "yes!" if we got a smile. miles made a half-hearted attempt to join us for a few minutes, but then went back to his video game upstairs. a ups man came by with two boxes for us from delaware grandparents. it was warming up. then one more woman came by with $5 and we told her to take the rest of our goods.

now we are going to take the money to the food bank. i have no idea if this will help the kids understand anything. money, giving, getting, it is all pretty random in our world. our bake sale felt nice, though.

wreaths, bogeyman

photos are wreaths made by me, miles, and maya.

we had a potluck wreath party and it was a success. friends brought evergreen, bay, and olive branches, dried poppies, berries, artichokes, tiny oranges, clippers, dried flowers. a bunch of ladies and kids sat close together on the back porch in the cool sun and attached plants to wire, and plants to each other, while sipping on hot mulled cider with rum. it was very nice.

just now i was cleaning the greens off the back deck, leaving the back door open as i went in and out, when i felt a stab of fear. there have been two very violent assaults on women in my neighborhood recently. i thought about the door being open and unattended and closed and locked it, then went around the house checking in closets and behind doors to make sure this predator had not snuck into my home. i don't know what i thought i would do if i found him, and this feeling of being scared of a bogeyman coming into my house is awful.

there was also a homicide not far from here not too long ago. is it paranoid to be hyper-vigilant, or is it denial to not be?

i am missing chicken, my big strong barking dog who made me feel safe for many years. i hate that there is fear in the air on my beautiful sunny day off.

hour wait

i've spent the last hour on the playground and in the cafeteria at my kid's school, waiting for a 10:00 meeting with the director of the green schoolyard alliance. there is a lot going on around here. the food pantry volunteers laid out pasta, potatoes, pears, garbanzo beans and sushi wraps on a long cafeteria table and families lined up to fill their bags and boxes(i scored some nice pears and brown rice). this happens every tuesday. kids played holiday songs on trumpets in a circle on the stage. fourth and fifth graders did some kind of project decorating t-shirts with the inclusion teacher. first graders ran excitedly across the playground with their lunch bags, on their way to see the sf symphony. a crew of gardeners whacked weeds and shrubs. "hi jamie" random kids called as they walked by. a car drove around the corner too fast blasting heavy duty hip hop. pre-school kids are riding tricycles around on the little playground and whooping, one crying. i spot my son's best friend loitering as he walks across the playground in the sun, doing a little dance on the four-square court before he spots me and calls out "can miles come over to play at my house?" now the clarinet players are rushing to the cafeteria with their instruments. a seagull flies overhead. the playworks coach helps a kid in a wheelchair hand over hand to shoot a basketball into the net. parents lead other parents on school tours, anxious questions rising into the air.

we are meeting to talk about making green changes at starr king school, and that is exciting. but this has been a sweet wait, reassuring me that even on the huge expanse of asphalt there is plenty of life here already.

why not?

i had a pile of miles' old clothes to give away lying in the hall and maya found this size 6 suit. silly me, not thinking of my daughter! here she is the "office lady" with what looks like her first paycheck (actually a birthday card).

maya wore this to friend's party but then chickened out on the front stoop and wouldn't go inside wearing her suit because she thought everyone would laugh. she hid behind me and shuffled into the bathroom where she changed into a pair of pants the hostess graciously provided. so sad.

we are once again in the throes of christmas greed and entitlement but i think maybe even my materialistic son is starting to think about all the ideas floating in the air about sustainability, sharing the wealth, etc. he did not have a huge fit when i said no way to a toy all his friends seem to be getting, and that is a step in the right direction. we are going to have a little bake sale outside our house and donate the money to kids who don't have toys.

speaking of donations, our kids' school needs them bad. here comes my shameless plea. if you are reading this and have the urge, please go donate at the starr king website. supporting the schools really is an investment in the future. it feels good, too. pass it on.