hanging out with a bottle of wine, foraging, chocolate-making

it was a nice three-day weekend except for the occasional tantrum blowing through. i am trying to learn how to parent my passionate children better, but it can be hard.

a neighbor friend came over one day with wine and our kids wrote comic books and worked on projects while we talked and had time to drink the whole bottle in little cups. it felt spur of the moment and nice to drink wine during the day.

an old friend visited town for a chocolate conference. he makes fantastic chocolate and lives near a volcano in hawaii. we got a little group together and spent a few hours foraging for native edibles in glen park in the mist and rain. the dog got muddy, kids got muddier. we picked lots of miner's lettuce and chickweed, wild mustard and radish. then we brought back the greens and made a big salad to nibble on during an extremely impromptu six-hour chocolate-making party with new friends and old.

so, there is school stuff and scary budget stuff and work stuff and tantrumming kid stuff. but there is also chocolate, the not-appreciated-by-all pleasure of foraging for food, and friends getting together to drink wine and make things. it was a nice weekend. i need more of this.

xo in the sky, wierd post

my iphone camera did not quite capture it, but we saw this full moon and "x" made of jet plane exhaust. maya called it a hug and kiss in the sky.

maya is almost six now, and we celebrated her birthday with an old fashioned party full of candy, cake, games, streamers, and horrible but much appreciated kidz bop music. maya received a pricey american girl doll named mckenna, who has been renamed thorn hunt, and who is currently being held and styled by her new mother. she came right from the american girl orphanage, but maya also gave birth to her, and i am the grandma.

lately things have seemed stuck in ruts, both in the personal and public worlds, which can be depressing and overwhelming. seeing negative cycles repeat and expand can be scary. this morning, however, i was so happily surprised (shocked, really), to see miles playing with his sister and her new doll. miles agreed to be the dad, and made a blanket for thorn's cardboard bed. i think he was entranced by her long thick hair--miles has been into hair for a while. he used to comb mine when he was just a toddler, and combs his sister's before school in the morning.

it was a nice reminder not to put my kid in a box--he may be obsessed with sports and video games, and buying more video games, but he also tends to dolls, loves his dog, and watched martin luther king's "i have a dream" speech on youtube 3 times this morning.

there is a key to unlock the part of every person which is capable of being caring and nurturing towards others. for miles, it may be hair. whatever it is, it seems like finding and taking care of this part of all of us is important for our future. i hope that nurturing this part of the next generation will be up there on the government's list of educational priorities. how to make this happen??

the horse boy

i just watched a documentary about a couple seeking help for their son with autism, the horse boy. they end up taking him on a journey to what must be one of the most beautiful places on earth, mongolia, and riding horses for days on end as they met with shamans and are accompanied by the guide and his six-year-old son. at the end of the trip the boy had changed, with less tantrums, more social connectedness with peers, and was using the toilet. the father considered it the work of the shamans, the mother was not so convinced, but they both seemed strong in their belief that the trip had drastically changed their lives. they now run a center for children with autism that specializes in equine therapy, out in the country in texas.

i couldn't help but feel as i watched this quite beautiful film, that just about any kid in the world would come out stronger after a journey like this, knowing that it was all for him, to help him, that his parents were 100% there for him, and that each day he could do his most preferred activity for hours, ride horses, through an amazing wide open landscape of water, green, and blue sky. AND there was a little boy there with him, all day, a funny little friendly typically-developing kid who just jumped right in to playing with him. chase, animals, pretend fighting and wrestling, silly sounds. wonderful.

of course my mind went to two of my current obsessions--that all kids need the kind of time this kid lucked out to have--time engaging with the natural, not man-made world, of plants, animals, rocks, water, mud. and that kids with autism need time, lots of time, to play with friendly, typically-developing kids.

i am in a city where these things are not happening for many kids, and the inequities are hard to take, especially when the kids are just entering the world of school. why do some preschool kids with autism in our public schools end up in places with lots of nature and great opportunities to become friends with peers both with and without disabilities? why are others assigned to schools with mostly asphalt, and ONLY kids with disabilities to interact with? i know things are changing, and "we're working on it" but how is that going to help the kids who are missing out on opportunities right now? it is driving me a little crazy. i am becoming more of an inclusion advocate, especially for preschool. kind of wandering all over the place here, but that is where this film took me. check it out if you have a chance.

i have probably written this sentence too many times on this blog but ALL kids need more time in nature. we are working on it at my kids' school, but it is slow work.

2012 is the year i am going to be louder and squeakier calling out what i think could be much better in my little world of special education. i will just have to be patient, thoughtful, and see if i can use some of that drummer's timing i used to have when i call it out.