year of the ox

lately i have been unable to keep in touch with people. there are a lot of important folks on my to call list. i haven't spoken with my sister in months. and you all know i love to talk.

i love to listen too. but the way things are, communication with far away loved ones becomes very one-sided. blog posts. a little facebook here and there. emails with photos of the kids. it seems like there is so much communication going on, but, and this is painfully obvious i know, reading and writing are not talking. not close. i know email and blogs and facebook are creative modern ways to communicate in our brave new world but sometimes i wonder what these developments are replacing, and how, and why. and if it's okay with me.

here is a photo of miles preparing to march in the chinese new year parade. he did it, he made it, he is a trooper. he had a breakdown before they left the school, and pretty much wouldn't take his eyes off me during the 2-mile march, but he made it!! i was quite proud.

and now miles' teacher is leaving to have her baby. he is sad. and i don't know if it is coincidence, but all the death questions are resurfacing. questions about who will die first in our family. if my grandmother is dead. if his great great grandfather is dead. what it is like to be dead. i'm so bad with this. i'm 40 and haven't figured out much about death yet except i'm painfully afraid of it. i can't lie anymore, like when this topic was approached last year, and say that we just aren't going to die. so my kid is feeling a great loss already, that the teacher he loves is going away, and i guess to him it is something like death. loss is loss, right? we can try to picture her happy with her baby, and know she will visit, but loss is loss.

i have been shedding some tears with him.

but we all know it will all work out all right.

hey people, if you are out there, say hello. let me know how you are. miss you.

xoxoxo