i should be feeling good but am not. in the last few days i went to a fun grown-up halloween party (with grown-ups that don't have kids), a kid birthday party where many of the separate parts of my city life collided (among the guests were my brother and family, families from miles' school, families from miles and maya's preschool, the couple that runs the video store on 24th street, and some of our neighbors i have known since the kids were born) and where i painted many people's faces including the birthday boy's 80 year old haitian grandma. last night i trick-or-treated with a pack of joyful kids and no tantrums or major injuries. today i took the kids to the academy of sciences with rebecca, and we met up with more of miles' school buddies. it was a beautiful sunny day and my kids were good.
yet it has been a huge effort to keep calm and help my anxious son and needy daughter feel that all is okay in the world when i am so unsettled.
outside there are doppler shifts of car horns honking, fireworks whistling and banging, shouting. i think i just heard a trumpet the giants have just won the world series and i feel alone on my little planet here. i don't care a bit about the giants. now i hear a helicopter overhead. it is my mom's birthday and she is driving south on highway 101 right now. i just received an email from my best friend far far far away. i am hoping for some sweet dreams tonight and a cease in the noise of ecstatic drunken giants fanatics.
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