slightly apocalyptic

a year ago i wrote about the day of action march to the civic center to protest budget cuts to education. it was a very high energy hopeful kind of day.

perhaps it is just my mood but the day of action today felt a little more apocalyptic. i dragged miles and maya down to the civic center. exiting bart we heard drums--there was some kind of crazy sculpture made of a bunch of huge plastic drums attached to each other in a blob shape big enough for about ten people to walk around hitting the drums. which they were doing. nearby was a super intense looking young man with no shirt, sitting on a backpack in the windy sun with his eyes squeezed shut, all his muscles clenched. i was feeling a little like i was at a grateful dead show (yes, i mistakenly did that a long time ago). as we got closer to the civic center i felt a falling sensation, a swift decrease in optimism as i realized it was a very small, quiet crowd, not the energetic swarm of thousands and thousands who seemed to represent a sure route to raising awareness of the school budget crisis last year. this was a few hundred teachers and a few kids and parents. we made our way to the front and heard some loud and impassioned speeches which i had to explain to miles. basically, can't we just keep what we have in place with the tax extensions? "tax the rich" chanted a teacher organizer from berkeley. the chief firefighter in san francisco got up and spoke about republicans who were making our world less safe, empty firehouses and slow response times to crime. as he spoke a fire blazed away in the mission district. an angry sounding older woman asked repeatedly "if not us, who? if not now, when?" it all sounded true but felt more desperate than last year. are people going to give up and let it be this way? there does not seem to be any easy way to solve the financial problems, but i guess i just don't buy that keeping taxes low to keep businesses happy and in our state is going to make things better. what is the next level of protest and rally? do we rally the teachers to strike? do we storm the state legislators? are we going to have a revolution? or do we just make do and think about fleeing to finland. i really don't know but today seemed sad.

the kids had an awful soccer practice with lots of anger and out of control boy-ness. rock throwing and sand throwing and pushing and fighting and not listening. it felt very edge of the world up there at the potrero rec center. kind of crumbling and crazy. and on the bus ride home from the civic center on the 9 little miles squeezed into the middle back seat, maya and i a few rows up. it was crowded and then some aggressive sfmta guys got on asking for transfers and passes. soon the man next to me, with a big pizza box and two kids in strollers was furious, mf, mf, what the f you asking me for, on and on and he finally flashed two fast passes at the guys. a woman near him had passed him the fast passes, miles saw it all and was confused. so the guy had snuck on with his wife and babies, outraged as he seemed that he would be asked for proof. some dudes in the front of the bus started commenting about how he should have shown them the passes in the first place and soon there was arguing and ugliness and i really had the impulse to grab my kids and get the h.e. double toothpick out of there.

anyway, i did not, and we made it home just fine. miles is at his friend's house, staying up too late watching a kung fu movie. rich is playing apocalyptic space rock in the other room. maya is dreaming about...what? in the other room. fashion. mommy and baby creatures. things that all makes sense and have patterns and logic. she tries hard to find order and meaning in her world. i need to try and do more of that. right now it seems like a lot of messed up chaos that i can't do much about.