middle hell

each week now i spend a little time at a middle school. it is a sprawling concrete campus at the top of mclaren park. a huge huge black crow stands guard on a telephone wire and caws at me when i get out of my car. a school cop hangs out in his car out front. there is a nice view and trees all around. i only have one student there, and i don't even work directly with her. i'm just there to provide consultation about working with her and using her fm system. she is a sweet 6th grader with a hearing impairment and a nice class and 2 good teachers. her resource teacher is great, he grew up a block from where i live and is very intuitive and knowledgeable. this place is still super depressing. there is an atmosphere of tension and chaos and a lot of frustration in the 7th and 8th grades. they have actually isolated the 6th graders so the big kids' problems don't rub off. a lethargic security guard ambles around the hall. some teachers seem to have lost control and kids just leave their rooms, not turning around when told to get back here, yelling or muttering angrily. stupid bitch, etc etc. other teachers are loud and big and critical and seem to be all about intimidating the kids. i'm just trying to describe. i'm sure it is hard to have a bunch of hormone driven boys and girls. i know i was in seventh grade i slapped a girl across the face, egged on by cute boys eager for a fight and surrounded by excited kids, no teacher in sight. today within 10 minutes of my arrival a girl was rushed into the resource room to get her away from another girl, she'd been punched in the face. i stayed with her while the resource teacher went to get ice and chase down the responsible kids and teachers. turns out i knew this student when she was a kindergartener at another school where i worked, not far from here. she had six siblings and no mom. at the elementary she came from there are all kinds of play therapists and behavior specialists and behavior plans and student study teams. here a police officer showed up to deal with the other girl who was not listening to anyone. these middle schoolers are just a few years later on their road. but at this school, at least, they seem pretty lost. kids are shouting at their teachers and walking out of rooms and yelling back at the principal. i'm NOT going home yells one over and over as a counselor calls her mom. they aren't cute, they are a little scary, but i really do feel for these kids. they need some more support then they are getting. and it can't just be the family, or economics, or school policy, it has to be all of those things, and how that is going to happen i don't know. we will see as the year unrolls--last year they had a 74% suspension rate...

the farm we get our produce box from is in trouble. someone near them brought mangos back from hawaii and a little med fly hitchhiked, so now there is a quarantine in the area. the box is quite light and half empty. in the half empty (half full?) box was a letter explaining what had happened as well as a plea to keep subscribing and
"there are many families that depend on this farm for their livelihoods. Please stick with us and we will all get through this together. Times of crisis can be just as rewarding a time to belong to a CSA as times of bounty, as they give you a chane to better understand the obstacles farmers face. Being a member of a farm like ours shows you care and take responsibility for where your food comes from."
so, they are obviously in dire straits and we do now have a relationship with them through email, registration, reading the recipes and seeing pictures of the farmers and workers on the eatwell farms blog. so we will stick with them for now. it is something to think about.

and last
here are two shots from the vacation i was on the last 2 days. lying in bed (pretty much) while the kids were at school and the babysitter. no, i was not deathly ill, just a sinus infection and cold, but i just felt so so sooooooooooo tired. i read and ate canned salty yellow chicken noodle soup and enjoyed the view of twin peaks pointing breastlike into the blue blue sky. i took a short nap each day, head propped up high on pillows. took a shower without any little person in the tub with me trying to nurse nurse or asking me to pretend i am watching the killer whale show at the museum. it felt great to be sick. and i took this photo of me from above to remind myself of perspective, how it changes things so dramatically.

is anyone out there?? say hi.
xo
jamie