sky things

we have been seeing amazing things in the sky. yesterday a huge rainbow driving maya to kika's at 7:30, maya's first. she was very impressed. today what looked to me like an eagle, gliding in huge circles over bernal heights. i saw him several times as i drove, above the highway, over crescent street, then by glen park. after picking up kids after work we stopped by holly park. we took some secret paths up and over and around. saw eucalyptus trees and figured out how many koalas they would feed. miles found a broken pine cone we brought home to make christmasy. wouldn't it be great, he asked, if there were kids all over here and they were one school and nobody else could come in? we walked by an awesome group of pre-teen girls ferociously playing soccer on the old tennis court. it was getting dusky. maya's little hands cold as she tried to close miles and herself into the fenced off bbq area. lee and miles and kay played rough and ran fast and yelled poopy head into the evening openness. from holly park you can see a lot of the bay. boats, said maya. see brudda? moon. stars.

bryant elementary--hating my thoughts

i was strolling with maya and on a whim stopped by bryant elementary, 4 blocks away. 3 long-haired chatty girls were in trouble in the office and came climbing over their little chair desks to play with maya. a woman came and asked me what i needed. turned out she was the erf (educational reform facilitator) for the school. even though this was not their tour time, i had not called, and i had a baby in a stroller, she went ahead and gave me a personal guided tour of the school. it is a fairly modern building, but with nice big rooms, high ceilings and windows. art all over. each grade has a spanish bilingual and an eld class. they are a star school, so there is some extra time on language arts to boost test scores (which are low). they have an inclusion program. we went around walking into each classroom and were mostly greeted by polite teacher smiles and some very friendly students. they have class-size reduction and grade-level meetings. i didn't get the details but in the brochure it said the kids had music, dance, and art every week. the outside is big enough, with a new play structure. the k kids have a separate area with little bikes and stuff they share with the child development center. there is a little garden out front. a nice big library. the boys and girls club after school.

so, i was surprised by the nice vibe at bryant, which always looked a little rough to me somehow. most of the teachers looked pretty good, and except for one slightly zooey class the kids looked pretty well-behaved.

so, could miles be okay at bryant? would it matter that he was the sole caucasian kid in his school? would he be getting what he needed in the english language development class? this is actually a pretty valid question, i think. the erf person said they were doing levelling (differentiated instruction, i think), even in kindergarten.

the race issue is starting to really be highlighted for me in this schools search. i wish it weren't. but it is. i have to admit having some racist thoughts. i suck. like assuming most of these latino kids will have different values and interests than our family. that miles will be hanging out with the kids at the park who are great, but who eat a lot of junky food and have a lot of clothes with tv characters on them. hanging out with kids who play with toy guns and watch a lot of tv.

this is making me angry with myself. it really really really really is.

maya and i strolled home. so, i want to send miles to a school that is diverse. and live in a place where there is diversity. but at the same time i want him to be with people similar to us. a little different of course, but mostly the same.

what is the real reason to seek out diversity? so that kids can see and appreciate (or not) and learn from other cultures? i guess yes. then why am i scared of a sweet little school like bryant elementary? it's not the low test scores...

crissy field and farallones marine sanctuary

visited crissy fields today and discovered the farallones marine sanctuary museum
where we compared shark and whale teeth, played with some turtle and sea lion skulls, watched fish and crabs putter around an aquarium tank, touched bayleen, bought a dagoda chocolate bar without miles seeing. maya got very shy and embarrassed when several adults laughed hard after she mistook another man's leg for her daddy's and was hugging it for a few minutes, then staring at rich's face for about 30 seconds before it all came clear. we learned about how bad the oil spill was for the bay and then played on the beach for a while, making dinosaur houses out of driftwood, burying feet, finding a shrimp, sneakily eating the chocolate bar, and enjoying the scenery. later by the warming hut miles helped maya up the big grassy hill in a rare moment of big brotherliness, and i broke my rule and ate a happy til he died beef hotdog.

i am spending too much time with my computer. i am missing friends lately, their faces, laughs, voices, houses, company.

no fits today!

ahhhh. this was the first day in many many when miles did not have a sad and/or angry tantrum (i tell miles they are "fits", don't ask me why. did someone call them fits when i used to have 'em?). we spent thanksgiving with the cronans and their motley crue: emily's middle school friend who moved here from china last year and her dad. this girl was, as david described her, "a beam of sunlight", and gave me hope for the future. her dad spoke no english and brought some mean homeade potstickers and was sweet enough to entertain miles by putting stuffed animals' heads into a pop-up shark book for a good 45 minutes. david's mom debbie was there with her theater voice and her amazing cooking skills (brined turkey, sweet potatoes au gratin). dean, who is a cool music and art kind of guy and who brought some specialty cheese and sauerkraut (he is some kind of cheese merchant), emily, dressed to match her new american doll , and rebecca, supplying delicious pillsbury biscuits, her green bean specialty, charades, and homeade crabcakes. well, i probably got who cooked what wrong, but i do know it was fun, miles and maya were perfectly behaved which was fortunate as NEITHER RICH AND I SLEPT THE NIGHT BEFORE (see postscript if you care to know why). we ended up taking an after pie-gorge stroll in the cool night air to get milk on irving street. miles and emily told a very long string of inane knock knock jokes (knock knock, who's there, feet, feet who, feet in your meat, face, hahahahah), maya pointed out the moon as jiaweh pushed her stroller and sang merrily,and rebecca and i reminisced a little about a thanksgiving at cassie's years ago when there was a post-meal soccer game in dolores park and tedd played and was good but had trouble with his red leather pants. tedd (and cassie) you are loved and missed.

today we went to the water park briefly and saw little seamus from around the block. he has a fifth grade brother and i had a very calming (this calm will also be brief i'm sure) talk about the schools with his parents. then seamus tried to smack maya with a water bottle and we departed. miles did not tantrum about not getting a little toy. he did not tantrum when i said i couldn't carry him up the steps. he drew calmly until jonah arrived. they jumped, made loud noises, played a turn-taking game for 30 seconds, drew lots more pictures (i'm starting to worry about how much paper we are going through), and hugged and kissed goodbye. maya kept hugging me all day, wrapping her arms around my neck and staring into my eyes, smiling "hello mommy". during maya's nap we played regressive trains but there was no bickering. miles wanted to look at his baby book and we made up hilarious comments for each photo such as "um, is anyone gonna change my diaper?" it was good to hear my little boy laughing so hard and then not getting mad and throwing toys around 10 minutes later. later we played full-on miles is a baby for THREE HOURS. maya got into it too, and for an afternoon i had a gigantic baby named miles who could not crawl, had a big sister who liked to give him bottles, looked at crib toys in his pretend crib, wanted to be patted and burped, and ate dinner in a high chair. this may sound very wacky but i think it was therapeutic as there were, let's say it again NO FITS all day!! thank you thank you thank you.

p.s. rich is out at the show, rocking. i am at home anxiously reading confusing research about dual immersion. maya wakes up around 12. it takes me a long time to get her to sleep. just as she drifts off a little moon face appears beside me in the dark. miles is up. i get him in his bed but he wants me to lie on the trundle as he tries to fall asleep. it seems to be taking a long time. then, dunt dunt duhhhhh,maya toddles in. hello mommy. hello brother. she climbs in next to me and all is quiet and i am amazed. then i hear wierd breathing from miles' bed. i'm hoping it is sleepy breathing but know i am wrong. it is i'm gonna have a fit breathing. he just doesn't want maya in there. he doesn't want to be alone while i put her back to sleep. he starts throwing all his stuffed animals around. i take maya into the living room where she starts playing (it's now about 2:45). when i leave he breaks into heartbreaking wails. oh brother. finally things quiet down and i talk to miles and he is trying to be reasonable but very stressed out so i let him play starfall
on the laptop in bed. now maya takes forever to fall asleep after all the excitement she has just witnessed. as the blurry digital numbers on the dresser slip by i assume miles has conked out in front of his abc game. finally rich returns as maya goes down. it is 3:45. miles is still playing on starfall. he falls asleep by around 4:30. my adrenalin is flowing. maya starts crying and rich holds her off until 5:30 when she wakes up for the day...........................
no rest for the wicked

love, me

downhill writing

i just read some of the posts from the early months of this blog and they are much better written. full of showing not telling as every writing fan would say. so, what happens to a brain that makes it write worse? early dementia? perhaps. probably stress and obsessive thinking. this blog was supposed to be about our life in the city. but kindergarten is all i can think about right now. please stick with me, friends and family. i will get out of this rut soon.

it is thanksgiving eve. rich is out at the eagle tavern.
check out the website. no, things are not so bad that he is out cruising for gay sex--his band in playing there tonight. i would like to be there but couldn't find a babysitter. he is out laughing with his buddies, and my buddies too. drinking a whiskey drink with kim and andy and carl and mike and christa and maybe even hugh in a wheelchair. i am home making an apple pie and surfing the net for articles about spanish immersion. tomorrow is thanksgiving. there are homeless people just blocks from here, freezing under and beside the freeway. cars flow through on their way to see people in and out of town. is our friend out there sleeping in the cold dark with his shaggy beard? maybe tomorow i will take the kids around our neighborhood as rich snores off his hangover (if i am feeling generous--to rich) and we will give away some food. we have more than we need. there is a big big world out there, just walking distance from the little space we live in.

maya and the new tree house, moody m

that's a fake mad look for the camera...


treehouse was supposed to be a holiday gift but i have trouble waiting...

can't see clearly right now

went out last night to a hip rooftop restaurant for a sweet birthday celebration, twinkly views of the city and bay and bridges, heat lamps, pomegranete mojitos, and some nice get to know you talk with some cool ladies.i found myself talking a lot about the old subject of my urban tribe/community dispersing and how my best friend got away. but with some kind of new distance from these losses--like there was possibility for good new things in the future if we stick it out here.

then today i was oh so way too easily pulled into a depression. there must be hormones involved. we had a short afterschool playdate with a friend and of course schools came up. my friend used the words sacrifice, prison, and bullying in relation to her public school experience and this 5 minutes or so of talk sent all my fragile and new decisions about staying here and sending the kids to sfusd tumbling downhill. so, let's look at things. out of our big gang of friends who had babies here in sf so far two are still here, about 7 left, and of my newish friends who actually are planning to stay here it is starting to sound like most are sending their kids to private school. as another friend said, if we are staying in the city because we like it and know it's not the best for the kids, then the least we can do is to send them to private school.

am i just a delusional dummy? are all my friends in east bay, up north, in the midwest, scraping up funds for private school, wrong? i can tell you, i love my little ones more than anything in the world, and i just want them to have good and happy lives. right now i feel like crying. rich and i are just getting by, and now i'm feeling like maybe we are screwing our kids over. it isn't helping that miles is in a phase where he is so uneasy about who he is, how to deal with his world as he grows up in it. i just can't seem to see clearly about this. i need better vision so i can do right by my children. i want to know what is best for them.

miles has pennied to sleep in his new trundle bed. he cried again when i dropped him at school this morning, burying his head under my shirt. he seemed ok later, but a little loud and frantic. he has rediscovered a satin baby blanket that his grandparents gave him at his birth, and for the first time is treasuring it, bringing it to school, cuddling it to sleep. he is cuddling his babyhood. maya is coughing a little on the monitor, probably dreaming of my gym, elmo, baby beluga in the deep blue sea. rich has departed for his cover band practice. i am waiting for things to clear up. i need them to.

moscone, flynn, buena vista,bll bll bll

ahh, a saturday without much tantrumming and opposition. it has been really rough lately, with maya sick and miles regressing and worrying about getting older and not knowing how to deal with his feelings. i remember my own angst about getting older and becoming a grownup. miles wants to be a kid forever and i don't blame him.

but today was good, with enzo the musician and 2 park visits and feeling like i really have a community. let me tally up the acquaintances to feel less lonely...at enzo we are greeted by little phoebe from miles' school who is all over us like a really cute little ponytailed puppy dog. and on the sidewalk is our poor neighbor who is supervising her daughter's rather intense freakout by chloe's closet. we stop at the cortland street park and end up spending 2 hours there. there is jake and family, all connected to the creative arts charter school. jake can whistle now. i meet a woman who is studying to be a slp at state and we discuss kindergartens, what a surprise. miles becomes close enough with a little boy that they are affectionately calling each other poopy head before we leave. then later we go to parque unidos. walking there we bump into an artist and mom friend, kelly, with her daughter mika. then we see the mother of the tantrumming girl again--i am envious as the dad has taken the daughter away camping and she has the whole house 2 herself for 2 days. at the park there is our downstairs' neighbors italian friend and her cute little dog stella. and a friend from our music together class. miles makes another buddy, mateo, who just wants to get his hands on our football, really. he is about 8 and damn good.

so, these are the people in our neighborhood.


3 more school tours this week. i'm getting real tired of school tours. i guess some people do 15 or more, yikes!!

moscone. this is a very academically rigorous school walking distance from us. they have a chinese bilingual, spanish bilingual, and english language development k,1, and 2, and then in 3rd and up they combine strands. the school has very high test scores and the highest (by far, i think) for latino kids, which i like. not that i care that much about test scores for miles, but that they are closing the creepy achievement gap for the latino kids. the building is new and clean, with a big open courtyard and plants and trees here and there. the teacher turnover is extremely low. the kindergarten teacher i heard was not so great is leaving. when we arrived the kinder english class and the 1st grade spanish bilingual class were having their dance/movement class together in a huge auditorium and seemed to be having a lot of fun. the principal led all 7 of us around on the tour and seemed to know most of the kids and got big smiles from them. they have an art teacher. the mood and feel are hard to explain. very calm and mellow and focused. no raised voices but i didn't sense a huge amount of excitement from the kids either. they did seem engaged and happy. the principal said they work the kids hard but then reward them.

at the end of the tour this wacky (white) guy said "i don't want to sound racist, but is this white flight or what? where are all the white kids?" extremely tactless in front of the spanish speaking people on the tour, but good question. there were a very few caucasian faces at moscone...SO. if there were more people who looked like me at this school would i be more inclined to send miles there? probably yes. i am not writing off this school but i realized this is important for me. miles would probably be fine as the minority in his class. but i think part of this whole school search is that i want a school we can all feel involved with, as a community. it is sad but true that i have lived here for 12 years and have not become friends with any of our latino neighbors. friendly maybe, but not friends.

this would challenge us more than miles, probably, to become part of a community in which we were a definite minority. it is something to think about. oh, so much to think about!

we then saw 2, count em 2, schools with spanish immersion.

buena vista is the school two blocks away in which we vote and i always thought miles would go there, not knowing it was a hard to get into school with only spanish immersion and no attendance area. the tour group was big and unlike every other big tour, there was only one parent leader, which led to total confusion, we were basically a big loud herd wandering the narrow halls peeking in at classes and rapidly confiding our kindergarten thoughts to total strangers. there is a friendly, homey, artsy, slightly cramped feeling. there are lots of bits and pieces of arts, sports, music programs, but not quite enough money and space for things to go smoothly. there is a good before and after care program. it is 2 blocks away. it starts at 9:30. low test scores. my friend has done some computer related work there and says the teachers all seem good at keeping kids engaged and behaved. did i mention 2 blocks away and 9:30 start time?

do we want spanish immersion?

the next day i had to stay home from work because maya still had a fever and in order to speed her recovery i dragged her along on a tour of leonard flynn. this one is about 8 blocks away, on ceasar chavez and harrison. as this is another "school on the rise" a bunch of eager well-dressed parents were lined up to escort us around, using lots of adjectives like phenomenal, fantastic, wonderful, to describe the school and the teachers. it's a big building with extra space. bulletproof windows, there's a plus! the 2 k classes we peeked in on had kids sitting on the rug learning something in spanish, and all seemed pretty engaged, though for all i knew the little english speakers may have been daydreaming about recess. some art, some music. lots of pta and events to try and get things moving in the right direction. some of this "school on the rise" stuff seems a little wierd, as it really seems to mean there are more middle-class parents joining up, with energy and money and ideas. the school is in candidacy to become part of the ibo.org pyp program, which was somewhat cryptic to me, but is some kind of inquiry based learning program. the principal was nice and positive, but had some trouble answering the (surprisingly aggressive) questions of the crowd. flynn is ok. one thing i didn't think was so great was that the other half of each grade is not spanish immersion, and from what i saw was almost all african-american kids, which made the whole scene look pretty segregated.

so, we are slowly, slowly coming to some conclusions and realizations. one is that the schools we are most interested in may be ones many folks are interested in so we better put a few less popular choices on our application. i think these choices may be harvey milk, marshall, and mckinley, SO guess we better check them out too. NOOOOOOOOO. also realizing that proximity would be nice--this makes me want to do spanish immersion a little more. well, it makes me want buena vista a little more. greener too, right?? and also realizing that rooftop would be a pretty dumb gamble, and that we will have to sort all these schools and priorities out before we start listing them on an application.

this kindergarten stuff must be boring as h e double toothpick (to quote emily cronan) to those of you not in this wierd world, but it is helping my obsessive brain to get things written down.

miss you and will take a break from this kinder stuff for a while now.

carinos
jamie

thanks justine

my friend justine invited me to see spiritualized tonight at bimbos. i wasn't so sure, but it was a near perfect show. i didn't even feel old as there were many greying folks in the audience sitting at their candlelit tables, amongst the many inpsired hipsters. they played with three stringed instruments and 3 gospel singers, the 2 spiritualized guys facing each other playing keyboard and guitar, bringing me way back when with their songs about jesus, drugs, and love. the whole audience was listening and paying attention! my mind wandered to days on dallas avenue falling asleep to 200 bars over and over,my cool roomate chris making me spaceman 3 tapes covered with tiny handwriting, and blasting the sound of confusion as i drove to work at auclair school after a night of many adventures and about 30 minutes of sleep.

sad as it sounds kindergarten also popped into my head as i watched the show and i thought that we need to send miles to a school where art is important.

i thought about how great artists and musicians are not necessarily the ones with great talents but the ones who persist with their vision. made me think of all the musicians i have known and loved from delaware and out here too, and how much i miss being part of music. and how life has swept even the most talented away from their art.

made me want to fly cassie back here so we can start a cover band of all our old songs, rich can play guitar and kim the keyboard and we can be beautiful and inspiring like spiritualized just was.

well, maybe the jameson and coke is talking a little bit here. don't worry out there, justine brought me home safely in her prius.

and today was sunny, and therefore pretty much destined to be better than yesterday. a bright warm birthday for dear little jonah at douglas playground. who needs the suburbs? in a bouncer on a lawn surrounded byt the tree-covered canyon the boys jump jump jump for hours. then they moved on to an elaborate game that involved collecting hard objects in the woods and pushing them down the slide to make a huge splash in the mud puddle at the bottom. all barefoot. a homeade pinata and well-mannered kids waiting their turns to attack it. a noe valley bakery cake with jelly beans to decorate. who could ask for more? maya got to swing for a long long time, and peek a boo in a discarded plastic playhouse, and dig in the sand,and was very huggy. i tried my best to avoid kindergartenland conversation and did pretty well, even if i had to sit on a picnic bench by myself in the sun for a little while to do so, just watching my son with his little boy tribe and my daughter playing with her daddy rich.

lord it is midnight i'm in trouble tomorrow.

love,
j

rooftop

i went and checked out the fabled rooftop k-8 to see what all the hoopla was about. there was a large room full of people there on my day for my tour--and these tours take place weekly for almost 3 months!! the school is a little hike from my house. i will give the facts and opinions:
principal speaks--very inspiring again, funny and smart and obviously dedicated. the school is focused on every child becoming a good learner--being able to face and deal with challenges. definitely not a teach to the test school but one with very good test scores. they integrate art across the curriculum. there is art everywhere. mosaics, murals, sculptures, fabrics, paintings, photos. the k classes we saw were definitely the most diverse i have seen in the district. also the most engaged and happy little groups so far. there is a sensory motor room with balance beams, swings, obstacle courses, themes (it was undersea month, oh miles you shoulda been there swinging on the giant jellyfish, putting your hands through the holes in the coral reef). there is a weekly gardening class under a tent in a beautiful big garden. the school is on the side of a hill and surrounded by trees. it was one of the first alternative schools in the city--meaning kids could come from anywhere in sf, and it really does feel like a close and diverse community. sounds like almost all kids continue through middle school, and then go where they want to high school.

i LOVED THIS SCHOOL. i could totally see miles thriving in those cramped little rooms, and i wouldn't mind the drive. sheesh. i was starting to think more about just going for it with immersion, but now i want miles and maya to go to rooftop. i was actually wondering who i could bribe as i got in my car to go in. anyone out there know who to bribe?

get this--last year 800 families applied for about 50 spots. so the chances are slim of getting in.

why aren't there more school like this? seems like location is a big part--a school like sf community is just in too rotton a neighborhood to ever pull in enough parents with resources to feel this energetic and positive. why aren't the two schools in bernal, where there are plenty of affluent families, doing better/more popular?

i see leonard flynn next week so i'll get my first look at immersion. i am trying hard to feel comfortable with the idea but somehow am not, even with every parent i meet with a kid in immersion singing praises for how great it is. i'm just a suspicious lady. it seems to me that immersion programs are designed for kids to learn english. of course i would love for my kids to be bilingual but it's just hard for me to imagine being put into a school where i couldn't communicate. and i still haven't seen all the strong research i keep hearing about that shows how kids who go throught this exact type of program do well later. it is just elementary school. everyone says we can just supplement at home. why can't i just jump on the immersion bandwagon?

my friend from writing class told me the new thing kids say is that you are "doing too much" when you obsess/stress,etc.

i am definitely doing too much.

it has been kind of tough over here lately. almost a month of at least someone sick rattles the already fragile ecosystem that is 1107 potrero ave. we had a nice visit yesterday with miles' school buddy and his cool mom who didn't seem to notice that my kids are little wild freakies who make swamps in the back yard and then jump hard into the swamps ,and enjoy the air on their derrieres, and boss me around, or that my kitchen has not really been cleaned in several years. but
today was all about adult and child temper tantrums and needs not being met and rain. we did make some awesome homeade playdough (thank you kim) and rich took an epic journey through craigslist, san jose, 5 mattress stores and target so that we could finally give our son a bed that wasn't so small he falls out of it every night. my little guy doesn't want to grow up , and he looks oh so small right now sleeping with twilight turtle in the starry expanse of his new twin bed. there is a trundle below with a nice comfy mattress. we are ready for sleepovers now.

by the way, i guess where we should live, for now, is here.

sweet dreams.

tail factory

we are making a lot of tails lately. miles is doing some detailing on this marine iguana tail. and i've laid out a few of the tails from the collection--see if you can identify the animal.

only a year ago or so there was a lot of desperate need around here for more toys. mostly characters. THOMAS AND FRIENDS (if only we had known exactly how brain-damaging these annoying little trains with faces were). cars from the bleeping car movie representing various stereotypes. each type of construction truck known to boy.

and i won't deny we are still enabling miles by buying way too many stuffed animals. the kid is a serious collector. but recently he began asking for us to buy animals tails/costumes and i suggested we make some. i thought he would scoff at this but no. we rolled up a rag, applied some duct tape, used some sharpies and there you go-- a snow leopard tail to tuck in your pants or underwear. miles wears these tails to school, which is a whole other subject, but they have led to some new ideas on how he can get stuff he wants. mommy and daddy don't want to buy stuff. but they kind of like to make stuff. maybe not always. but it is a very satisfying way to make your kid happy, not spend money, and re-use. tonight as i pennied my son he asked me if we could make a structure out of cardboard boxes, by gluing them together. i thought this was a great idea. then he mentioned going to the hardware store to get some wood to build with and i realized he meant a life-size play structure, so i said it was too late to talk about it. but we are getting there.

beware, friends with kids, you may be getting some homeade tails for the holidays.

love,
jamie

creative arts charter

we went to the creative arts charter school fall festival today. our son's schoolmate's mom gave us a little personal tour. i have to say, i liked this school more than i was prepared to, especially after 2 co-workers told me it was "crazy" and they "hate this school". part of the reason i liked it was that we were told who miles would have for k and 1st, and he is a teacher that even my school-hating fellow speech therapists said was wonderful. i like how the school building is huge but the number of kids is small. there is a big parent room. a very cool looking music room with a drumset, piano, and lots of space. they have a dedicated art and music teacher and kids get art and music every week. the k and 1 rooms looked more developmentally right than a lot i've seen in the district, with lots of blocks, toys, dollhouses. i talked to lots of parents, as usual, while keeping tabs on my kids who were smacking the rat, tossing rings, decorating pumpkins, jumping the the jumpy castle, and eating some damn good fair food. most parents seemed quite happy, but some mentioned that several families had switched to claire lilenthal or clarendon (hmm, eenteresting). the parents as a whole looked like a fun, tatooed, fairly diverse group. the school does project based learning and doesn't use the curriculum the rest of the district does. test scores are not stellar. the school is in a pretty sketchy neighborhood. they have afterschool clubs and a little bit of before school care. 8:45-2:45 i think. a little far from us. they have a separate enrollment process so i thingk we will be applying and will see what unfolds...

i'm still feeling lost about schools. proximity seems to be emerging as more of a factor as i imagine leisurely walk to neighborhood schools with my kids. i do think miles would enjoy this school, though. and immersion is still confusing me. should we go for spanish? cool and hip creative school with less structure? high test scores? school with super solid middle class base AND decent test scores but not great diversity? BLL BLL BLL. can the school fairy just decide this for us? sometimes i wish i didn't have such a talent for seeing all sides of everything...

(image is miles trick or treating at our neighborhood liquor store)

day after day of the dead

i hope some of you made it to the day of the dead





procession and altars on friday night. these photos don't even come close to this incredible sensory and emotional experience. rich was was sick with the flu and i ventured out at bedtime with both kids because i wanted them to be with me. at 24th and bryant things were starting up, with a crowd gathering, and then things started happening on the four corners. intense native american (sadly i don't know who they are? aztec?) dancers with animal skulls and rattling beads and feathers all over their bodies danced and chanted. people started playing drums. skeleton people drifted by, danced, walked on stilts. the air is full of incense. a woman walks by with a box hanging around her neck, the top and front cut out. a candle burned in the bottom of the box, surrounded by photos of people (her parents?) on the sides. we see some friends. the kids are just quiet and taking things in. a marching band goes by with ghost dancers. ghost prisoners in chains. we enter the procession and walk slowly down the middle of bryant street. it is so beautiful at night with all the candles everywhere. maya waves and says hello through her pacifier to the people she sees watching from their steps and windows. eerie very ancient sounding bagpipe music floats by. a car-sized stand of indonesian drums comes soon after. there are people laughing and talking, most serious, most looking happy. a group goes by singing give peace a chance. a silly guy tries to crack a whip on his front porch and he hits himself accidentally and catches my eye and we laugh.

now we arrive at garfield park. there is a tree with altars all around and fruit hanging from strings. we see that another part of the park has candles and altars all around odd shapes on the ground and then realize the shapes are the americas. there is a lot of strange and beautiful art. miles notices a baby skeleton in a sculpture's belly. there are names on stones and paper and flowers all over. there is a pile of shoes with nametags. are these shoes of people who died? asks miles, very unexpectedly, and i say yes. by the shoes is a big maze of paper bags and people are walking through it with nametagged shoes, some ending by a fence covered with huge b and w photos. i overhear someone explain that the shoes are from immigrants who died trying to cross the border, and the bags represent their journey, and the fence the end of the journey. i don't quite understand and then hear someone say it is about the war, but nevertheless we walk through and tie a shoe on the fence.

this music and the mood and the candles are so uplifting. it is a gorgeous fall night in the mission. of course you think about people lost, and some strains of music might make a tear come, but it is a celebration. i'm sure it is something different for everyone. come next year if you can.

clarification and disclosure

to anyone who read the last post and didn't understand....we didn't really give miles' halloween candy to poor kids. we are the not grown up kids and we took the candy from miles and hid it and i will eat most of it when feeling needy.