dickens fair, fog of ennui, babbling

i took natalie and maya to the dickens fair today at the cow palace. just a few years ago i would have been full of ridicule and unable to relate to the "actors"in their costumes and english accents. today i felt very little of this detachment because i was with a four and five year old. maya asked a lot of questions about "dickens world" and although the girls knew there was acting involved it seemed so easy for them to slip into being into a whole different reality, and i kind of slipped along with them. hard to explain, really, but i found myself having a long conversation about india with an indian lady from rudyard kipling's time about sacred cows and cobras and third eyes. ok, i am a super geek, but being there with my wide-eyed girl i really enjoyed the dickens fair.

later i went to the bottom of the hill to watch a film some friends had made called "fog of ennui", starring naughty ninja, jailface, and captain ennui, with other superheroes and villains including furry man, spanish icicle, and dr. exposition. i laughed quite a bit and enjoyed the soundtrack and effects and silliness, but did not relate to the theme, which, loosely, was about fighting captain ennui before he spread boredom to the entire country.

this is probably not making sense but i am feeling today that there is something about having kids later in life, as i did, that throws your mind into a wierd position. or at least my mind. when i should be thinking about getting older, and fighting boredom, and the usual midlife existential crisis stuff (i have the fear of dying pretty bad), i am simultaneously exposed, every day, to little people who are feeling the novelty, beauty, and wonder of life much of the time. maya often GASPS with excitement and does a whole body "ohhhhhhhhhh" in amazement. i feel it along with her. i am so lucky to have this time with her but it throws me off balance too. i feel like a little old kid who knows way too much sometimes. it is confusing.

does anyone out there have any idea what i am babbling on about?