good eye at potero del sol

i don't think of myself as a bird person, exactly, but there are a surprising number of posts on here involving birds. nests, eggs, baby birds,library chickens, empty lot roosters, hawks, and of course that little dead pigeon maya had to pick up off the sidewalk. at the park for the second time today, miles and friend being loud and obnoxious, pit bulls frolicking on the field, the smell of weed drifting over pleasantly from a group of teenage dudes maya whisper screamed "come here!" with an excitement that seemed too much to be real. "it's a bird in a nest!!!" and there it was. a little nest tucked into a straggly honeysuckle vine about four feet off the ground, with a small mama bird and her loud peeping featherless baby with beak open wide. i hope we did not scare her too much, but i had to lift the kids up to take a peek and i just had to take a picture. the mama stayed in the nest and just kinda looked at us. if you look closely it appears that this urban bird has used some of the abundant local materials--garbage--to construct her home.

maya remarked that usually birds build their nests in trees, but now we know that that is not always the case. buena suerte, pajaros.

let's pretend we are poor

this morning at the park maya wanted to pretend we were poor and lived there. "see this table? that's where i sleep." she told me, lying on the picnic table bench. "let's go play in my bedroom," she said, running up the grassy hill to the playground. kind of wierd, but she is trying to work things out. there has been a lot of conversation lately about the homeless and half-naked man who is living under a dirty sleeping bag on the sidewalk by the walgreen's parking lot for the past few weeks.

today i bumped into an old friend, who looked great, and was happy, but who is really living on the edge income-wise, and who has faced eviction recently and lives on food stamps. she is very tied to the neighborhood because they don't have money to take trips out of the city. she wasn't complaining. she showed me some photos of her beautiful daughter, and told me about some of the social justice activities she has been up to with her band, the brass liberation orchestra. when she spoke about her daughter it was in the most glowing terms--she is the most amazing girl, so not-entitled, so appreciative. my friend really does not have money for indulgences, and her daughter really does appreciate what she has, and is living a pretty different life than most kids. they actually wake up every morning and meditate for a few moments.

i have to say, i fantasized i would raise non-entitled, non-materialistic kids, but between my own weakness for buying them stuff and peer pressure on them to have what their friends have i have not done a great job. these kids want a lot, and are not afraid to ask. they have a strong sense of justice about when they think they are being treated unfairly. translation: a lot of whining, begging, arguing. i wish it was a little more peaceful around here.

i want to figure out a way to channel that energy and sense of justice into caring about the larger world, not just who gets what when why around here. can we do this without being dirt poor? does seeing the man living under the sleeping bag create appreciation for our apartment, or just insecurity about ending up on the sidewalk with him? we have tried modeling a life where we don't buy too many things we don't need, and give some of our money away to help kids and schools and hungry folks. but reality is, they have a pile of toys sky-high.

their little hearts and brains are still so soft and malleable. it is just impossible for another generation to grow up and want as much stuff as the last american generations have. any ideas?

solstice-ish 2011

look at some of the crazy energy i photographed on and around the summer solstice and pride week in sf. i think miles was influenced by all the outfits he has seen recently and he looks pretty awesome in this wig he found in maya's dress-up. according to the zoo artists maya is a bug about to be devoured by a tarantula but she is obviously not going to go down without a fight. and i just liked this art on a plywood wall by bi-rite ice cream ( i finally went--yes, delicious). the days will start to get shorter now, which will hopefully lead to a little more sleep for us all.

today maya wanted to find her old sling for her arm and it is no longer here. i splurged and we went to walgreen's and bought two ace bandages and she hugged me and whispered that i was the best mommy in the world. i will try to remember to help my kids and myself be happy in tiny ridiculous ways like this. tomorrow she has firm plans for me to wrap up her arm like it is broken and hanging in a sling and wrap up her knee from calf to thigh. she has packed a little purse with gauze and bandaids and will be showing off her injuries and tending to others at preschool.

took rocket to fort funston today and met an old friend. the sky was gray and we found a sculpted dune with a black line running through it looking perfect against the sky. we climbed up and sat and talked looking from high up over the pacific ocean, rocket charging up and down the dunes, rolling in plants, digging, and coming up to us every few minutes overjoyed, looking crazy with his scruffy hair and wet nose covered with sand. our dune sloped down to create a valley of sand between us and the next dune. i considered log-rolling down like a kid but was a little too lazy for the hike up. not lazy, tired. maybe next time.

xo

tadpoles

up in sonoma where as usual all seemed suspiciously idyllic. happy kids of all ages frolicking on the green grass in the square, fountains trickling, bargains at the church mouse, a quiet pool to swim in, ice cream at the chocolate cow, maxwell's miniature golf course, no litter to be seen. fragrant flowers at every turn. my mom drove us less than a mile out of town to this tiny pond near ravenswood winery where there were bullfrogs croaking loudly through the sunny afternoon and it was just fine for miles to strip down to his underwear and capture many tadpoles in a frisbee.

this morning the kids and i ventured into the lisa kristine gallery i have walked by many times and i was surprised to find a lot of powerful images of people in slavery at the back. i had to pull miles away from the slavery photo book and was surprised by a little tear in my eye. there was a pleasant but obviously mentally ill man hanging out with us by the miniature golf course, who the manager mentioned was someone she had to keep an eye on so he didn't scare away guests. and a funeral. so all is not perfect, even in sonoma.

here is maya, taking a photo of herself with gum hanging out of her mouth. lately she is all over the place, sweet and funny, incredibly silly and loud, and even a little mean and sneaky. sometimes i am overwhelmed by her, she is changing faster than i can keep up with, but i am trying. testing, testing, "can i do it?" "what will happen if i do?" "will i still be loved if i do bad things?" i get mad a lot, and wish i was more patient. she took this photo of herself with gum hanging out of her mouth, and i can hear her saying, in a contrite but almost hopeful voice "i know you're going to be really mad at me." she sometimes cries "you don't love me" in a pretty anguished little voice. of course i do, more than you can know.

worries, peaceful

working with my hands, listening to music, these things can take my mind off the ever present worries. yes, this blog is partly about devising ways to fully experience life without being miserable. not denial or escape, but let those worried thoughts come and go right through me. yes, the anxious brain is trying to problem solve in the face of a perceived threat, but there is a point where it is not problem solving, but pointless worrying that is going on. let those thoughts flow right through!

one kid at preschool, another lying in my bed reading shonen jump comics from the library for the last few HOURS. i have been in my sunny garden, where i get lost pulling young weeds from the vegetable beds, adding compost and working it in, making tiny furrows for seeds and planting them. i have become much better at rolling my fingers in a way to drop one seed at a time. i took a break for a big green lunch of sauteed collards, lacinato kale, and arugula from the garden. there are a few artichokes back there, lots of cut and come again greens. the wild blackberries are all along the back fence, full of white flowers. the wierd pimento bush is thriving with some small fruit. i picked one plum, but the fruit trees are fairly devoid of fruit this season. little roses are blooming, nasturtiums. the chayote squash has climbed up the bougainvilla--two stories high. some small green tomatoes and strawberries are doing ok but wishing for more sun. lots of plants growing and birds all around. i am lucky to have this space and time.

very much liking the itunes radio station afriki djigui theatri these days. i have no idea what the words mean. check it out, it will make you feel good.

this morning we were out of milk and i had the idea that i could send miles around the corner, just right around the corner to buy some. do people in the suburbs and small towns send their eight-year-olds out to buy milk? i didn't, because of some sibling issues this morning. but maybe tomorrow. i will just have to trust that the one big building in the way, the lack of my eyes on my boy, will not cause anything bad to happen to him.

i think i will go lie down next to my little boy and rest. better get it while i can.

xo

another new person

maya took this picture. if you look closely you will see several roosters walking aimlessly around this weedy lot on alabama and 19th. hmm.
this morning i took miles away from a playground full of his buddies, chasing each other around aggressively under a blue sky--to attend a writer's workshop. so proud of my once so anxious boy. he sat with a bunch of 8-10 year-old writers of all shapes and sizes around a big wooden table and said "no way" when i asked if it was ok to leave--but said it smiling. so for two hours i sat in the cozy corner at 826 valencia with a big coffee and read a collection of memoirs written by incarcerated women in writer's workshops taught by wally lamb.

the workshop is called "diary of a young whale" and i tuned in now and then to hear the kids asking and answering questions about predators, decomposers, prey, producers. two hours of brainstorming and writing, to be repeated next sunday with a finished product of some sort that will be typed up and published in a chapbook. anyone remember those? i had to drag miles out of there and he took his paper home to work on. he asked me to read it aloud in the car several times as we drove to carl and ellie's house and then counted the little blue lines. it is about a lump of dirt named bumper who lives in hawaii. now he wants to be a writer and an athlete.

826 valencia is the brainchild of dave eggers, and full of pirate gear, tourists, a beautiful aquarium with a blowfish that can be viewed in a tiny tiny dark theater with two theater chairs, and eager earnest writers who want to help kids find their voices. there are lots of anthologies written by local kids, and by local adults. being there made me want to go home and write--i used to want to be a writer, too.

we went to carl and ellie's and met india for the first time. her big eyes are an almost metal grey, amazing curly hair and tiny doll hands. she feel asleep in my arms, all peace and trust.

another carless day

another carless day. i love this kind of existence, reminds me of those post-college days in newark delaware which in some ways were the best times of my life. just let it flow. we roll out the door with rocket and a vague plan to hike bernal hill and find some more secret slides but only make it one block before we stop for the kids to get their hair cut at stephany's. everyone speaks spanish and miles gestures to make his hair plan clear. we walk a little farther to casa sanchez where we are lucky enough to eavesdrop on a big group of traveling cool skateboard ladies from portland oregon discuss skate parks and the skate business while we eat rice and beans. we make it another block to the water park where miles entertains some kids running through the fountains. a little farther south to garfield playground, home of the purple dinosaur and the wierd moving balance beam. we watch a very professional looking soccer game and start to laugh hysterically as we avoid stepping in doo doo and hockers. we give up on the healthy hike up the big hill and head back for ice cream, stopping at the bookstore on the way where i read maya a book called king and king about a gay prince and buy virginia burton's book "life story". waiting for our cones i spot this cool woman and her twin girls we met at rancho cicada last year. we take our cones to the water park and soon the kids are soaked and sugared, chasing each other around topless and happy in the sun.

i topped off this day at our wonderful neighbor nancy's house, drinking a bottle of nice red wine and eating a delicious sandwich made with her home-preserved strawberry jam while miles and her son got awfully goofy. i put miles to bed with a nice wine buzz.

a day without the car is often a better day, i need to remember this. for so many reasons.

educational

today i took maya to preschool and what did we beehold? a bunch of kids swarming around the back window. sorry about that. anyway, a swarm of bees was resting on a wooden railing in the school's outside area. they had just appeared there. exciting. i guess this is not unheard of in these parts.

it was parent appreciation morning so i stayed a little while for the treats that had been provided for us bumbling parent folk. maya's teacher quickly dig through her bookcase and came up with a book about keeping bees and read it to the kids at morning circle. when i picked maya up after lunch the kids were all clustered at the back window again, watching the bee rescuer and learning how to capture a swarm of bees.

i love preschool because so much of it is incidental, wonderful teaching. how could you come up with a more interesting science lesson than a swarm of bees in the playground and a guest bee keeper removing them?

i wish this kind of teaching and learning could go on for many more years but reggio emilio is undervalued and (supposedly) harder to implement as the kids get bigger.

anyway, i was feeling a little sad about preschool coming to an end for my youngest. miles saved some allowance to pitch in to see kung fu panda 2, and it was raining, and i am a sucker, so we headed over to the 4 star theater on clement street after picking up maya. miles scored two free bags of popcorn from the concession stand after asking for it in mandarin, and we were the only people in our tiny movie theater. after the movie maya talked about china, and kung fu, and then dressed up like a kung fu lady when we got home and set up little kicking stations around the living room and then got a plastic stick and waved it around like a kung fu lady would and twirled around in circles and crashed into the couch a few times and made lots of hilarious kung fu sounds until she whacked her brother in the arm with the stick and then it was bedtime.

so, there is incidental learning going on all the time, whatever setting you are in. it is just so fabulous when things that are real and meaningful and interesting fall into your child's lap and there is a teacher waiting near her with the time and skills to go deep with it.

locals

another full day. potrero hill rec center for a pick-up soccer game, lots of little boys running in the green. rocket sprinted around the field like a maniac and maya and her friend lucy made bead rings and shared a bottle of orangina on the playground. i took miles for his first violin lesson with one of the teachers from his school. on her block were several extremely friendly cats who greeted us with purring and rubbing. miles really liked the big grey guy, who a neighbor informed us was named chewie.

later we visited with an old friend and my brother and kids in parque ninos. miles and edison looked pretty huge on that big seesaw. i remember the first time he walked the 7 blocks to this park without being carried or strolled and what a big deal that was. the free farm stand was there, giving out free organic produce and acme bread, surplus from the ferry building farmer's market. the acme bread is a little too good with our fake butter right on the crust. on the way home we stopped to buy ice cream cones and have some cheap thrills on the water park swing. we ended our full day by having dinner with our friends and their three boys, the boys wild, temperamental, sweet, maya taking the three-year-old as her special little friend.

feeling sad that my fear of flying is keeping me from spending time with my friends and family on the east coast this summer. it has been a long time since we were in delaware, and this august my best friend will be there too. i tell myself we can't afford a big trip but of course we have a credit card. it's just still too scary. julia suggests hypnosis, but what if it worked? then i would be in a plane, which is just not at all safe. back to my old mantra, why can't we all be together, why are we so far apart? documenting the pleasures of our very local existence makes this pain a little less.

more summer reading

there is finally a bookstore nearby! modern times bookstore has relocated from valencia street to the old china books building on 24th near harrison. i love the children's section full of books about different kinds of families, child memoirs about being a refugee from the congo, stories about martin luther king, the underground railroad, native american indians. there is a mysterious little gallery in the back which i hear might have art classes soon.

we bought a copy of freak the mighty, which i have in bed with me right now but will have to hide from miles until he gets older. somehow i remember books like this as mostly happy, but this one has a kid whose dad is a murderer and whose best friend dies, oops. luckily he is happy with little house on the prairie.

seward slides

day 5 summer vacation 2011

we found and rode the seward street slides. i had heard about these for years and finally checked them out. two old concrete slides dug into a hillside by a community garden, with a couple nice curves and drops. there was a community garden above and an old playground below. the one on the right is fastest, and riding on cardboard adds a little speed. of course i met someone there i vaguely knew--a fellow public school mom (sunset, an awesome school) and teacher (at alvarado). it made me wince inside to see her reaction about miles being at starr king--"the mandarin immersion program, i hope." i guess it will be a while before people consider starr king as a good school for kids in all programs. kind of sad.

we park-hopped to walter haas where we hooked up with two of miles' classmates and ate hard-boiled eggs and cherries and olives. the girls rollerbladed, miles played soccer and got loud, and...maya did several monkey bars on her own!!! something just clicked for her. very exciting.

grey sky, summer cold, miles at a friend's house, rocket sleeping on a pillow.

maya's the best

maya just woke up and wants to contribute to the blog:

maya: i love my mommy when she takes me to go get donuts. now it's your turn.

me: i love maya all the time.

maya: one time my mommy told me how to write it down, a poem, umm, and then my dad read the poem to me and it was great. and then i'll tell you the poem too. it said...

some fish are blue

some fish are red

some fish are sleeping in a beautiful bed

and then this is the next thing i wrote

some fish are red

some fish are blue

some fish are sleeping in a beautiful pool

me: i can't believe you remember that!

maya: and now say, "you're the best"

me: you're the best

chicken, dog bite, spider family

will you look at this? our city friends own this land and home in the wilds of mendocino and we were lucky enough to go spend time with them over the weekend again. we walked through redwoods and sequoias to the fairy corral, the kids gathered kindling and played many ball sports. we drank a lot of wine and ate delicious meals. it is so beautiful up there. the kids can just move around and make a lot of noise and throw things and we are not all on top of each other. i was sad to leave.

what was not so fantastic was that our little foster dog was attacked pretty badly. our friend's dog picked him up in his teeth and shook him like he was a rabbit. he is healing ok but had to get antibiotics for the big puncture wound. he was already fearful. it is hard being responsible for a tiny dog. maya was right there and i think it was traumatizing for her, too as we all screamed at the big dog and finally his owner had to kick him hard in the head to make him open his jaws..

we hit two libraries today. the first was the portola branch where i went down memory lane remembering my days working at e.r. taylor elementary. this is a sunny working class neighborhood with way less garbage than our hood. i see e.r. taylor has several school gardens going now. the portola library was full of people, kids lined up to play on the computers and lots of garandparents. we went to a separate room so the kids could participate in a storytelling theater type thing. i am always surprised that my son especially is so open to these unknown quantities, but in minutes they were in costumes and part of a spider family, miles as cushion and maya as see trouble, acting out a story from africa "why the moon is up in the sky" with the very talented storyteller sally davis.

later maya and i ventured out to the bernal library. she really really wanted to go because she had heard about this event and that there would be cookies and chickens at the library. she imagined the chickens roaming free, just as she imagined this morning that all the kids in china were sitting in the backseats of their cars listening to the same terrible katy perry song as we were "in their land". a wonderful author-illustrator and 20 year bernal chicken and duck farmer, jane wattenberg, showed us lots of different eggs, let us pet her chickens, read a book, took a wide variety of questions from the audience, and gave away postcards. maya was very impressed with the way the author's clothes matched the cutest chicken's feathers, and i was impressed by her life, making children's books and raising animals right up there at the most beautiful part of bernal hill north.

my kids are getting a good start to learning over the summer. i hope that other kids are too.