worries, peaceful

working with my hands, listening to music, these things can take my mind off the ever present worries. yes, this blog is partly about devising ways to fully experience life without being miserable. not denial or escape, but let those worried thoughts come and go right through me. yes, the anxious brain is trying to problem solve in the face of a perceived threat, but there is a point where it is not problem solving, but pointless worrying that is going on. let those thoughts flow right through!

one kid at preschool, another lying in my bed reading shonen jump comics from the library for the last few HOURS. i have been in my sunny garden, where i get lost pulling young weeds from the vegetable beds, adding compost and working it in, making tiny furrows for seeds and planting them. i have become much better at rolling my fingers in a way to drop one seed at a time. i took a break for a big green lunch of sauteed collards, lacinato kale, and arugula from the garden. there are a few artichokes back there, lots of cut and come again greens. the wild blackberries are all along the back fence, full of white flowers. the wierd pimento bush is thriving with some small fruit. i picked one plum, but the fruit trees are fairly devoid of fruit this season. little roses are blooming, nasturtiums. the chayote squash has climbed up the bougainvilla--two stories high. some small green tomatoes and strawberries are doing ok but wishing for more sun. lots of plants growing and birds all around. i am lucky to have this space and time.

very much liking the itunes radio station afriki djigui theatri these days. i have no idea what the words mean. check it out, it will make you feel good.

this morning we were out of milk and i had the idea that i could send miles around the corner, just right around the corner to buy some. do people in the suburbs and small towns send their eight-year-olds out to buy milk? i didn't, because of some sibling issues this morning. but maybe tomorrow. i will just have to trust that the one big building in the way, the lack of my eyes on my boy, will not cause anything bad to happen to him.

i think i will go lie down next to my little boy and rest. better get it while i can.

xo