tiburon soccer game

due to my fear of the bridges around here in earthquake country miles and i took an epic journey to his soccer game in tiburon on bus, ferry, on foot and finally in a taxi.

tiburon is very beautiful, with the bay all around, pretty houses up the sides of hills, little stores and restaurants, boats and more boats, perfectly blue sky, no garbage, no loud buses or sirens.  sitting in a restaurant on the water, eating a kid meal burger while i sipped coffee to try and deny a hangover, miles noted that everyone in tiburon looked the same.  he was right.  same clothes, same hairstyle, same hair color, same skin color.  several older men drove by in expensive looking race cars.  when miles' soccer team showed up the homogeneity was broken up a tiny bit by our mexican, samoan, african-american, and asian soccer players.  they were robbed of the game, which was 2-2 and should have been a win for us.  yes, us, that is how close i feel to my kid's soccer team.

the ferry took us back to pier 41 and we walked off into a sea of action.  a band covered current pop hits so well the crowd was dancing like crazy, people from all over putting their hands in the air, babies being bounced in strollers, drunk tattooed mamas, navy uniformed folks from fleet week, japanese tourists with cameras and big black rimmed glasses.  it was a par-tay, with thousands of people out to hear bluegrass, see ships, watch blue angels. like a benevolent many-eyed monster a gagantuan cruise ship watched over us.

Tiburon(above), Pier 41 (below)

miles had spoken about how he liked the peace in tiburon, asking also, of course, how much the houses cost there.  but we both agreed that, tonight at least, we liked the energy of the city better.  in the cooling early evening we walked along office parks with funky fountains and statues and dinosaur-era trees and plants before we saw two teenagers selling these awesome hats they painted themselves.  i splurged and got one for miles--it looked just right on his head.

lathe of heaven by ursula k leguin

i read this fantastic book over the weekend.  it is a short and inspiring read, go here for reviews.  

special ed doesn't sound right

the other day my kids were playing school and one of the kids was playing "the naughty kid".  and this naughty kid was doing and saying all kinds of very hilarious and bordering on hysterically silly things and i was really enjoying watching my kids play together so well (it is rare, lemme' tell ya') and then suddenly this naughty kid said "i'm in special ed."

well, i was not prepared for what happened next, which was that i started bawling and had to leave the room to calm down.  and both of my kind children followed me trying to make me feel better, the empathetic one hugging me and saying she was sorry i was so sad and the other one defensively  explaining that it was the naughty kid character who said that, but really, what was revealed in this slip from my kid's mouth was not that he dislikes anyone in particular, but that subconsciously "special ed" means something very negative to him.

this might be ok except everyone at my son's school, and at many schools, continues to refer kids in special day classes as "the special ed kids".  i really do not see this phenomenon as much when kids are all in inclusion.  we had a long talk and my daughter had a good point--she doesn't know what to call "those kids" because she doesn't know their names.  boo hoo, i cried a little more.  then i emailed my son's fabulous teacher with a list of a bunch of ideas.  and she let me know that she gives the kids the same redirect if she hears (not usually used negatively) the term "special ed kids", and tells the kids the student's name.

as long as the special day classes exist in their present form here are my random ideas for my son's school, which i know has a lot of challenges in getting kids from different classes to spend time together:
*use name tags , especially for kids who are nonverbal, when kids who are unfamiliar are playing or working together
*let kids take turns picking favorite music and have a dancing corner of the yard with music and a fun and encouraging adult
*put the trampoline or big ball out on the yard and have kids from all classes take turns jumping or rolling with an adult supervising
*give some kids from the special day classes those little three wand bubble holders so they can share
*get out some water for the water paint wall and make sure there are enough brushes for any kids in the sdc classes who want to paint and more to share
*get a wagon for the younger kids to sit in and pull each other
*have some open ended chase games going on with adult facilitation
*do some reverse mainstreaming for kids to go into the special day class classrooms for free play

ok, you can probably see that these are all stolen from preschool, but if kids have trouble with social interaction, difficulty understanding the rules of games, motor planning issues, then they will like activities with  props and facilitated turn-taking at recess.  it is not rocket science.  in fact, many kids like dancing to music, blowing bubbles, open-ended art and sensory motor activities like jumping and rolling.  and yes, you can probably see that all these ideas involve adult facilitation, but if all the kids in the special day class have IEPs, then they all have goals,and if the goals involve social interaction, then what better time to work on this is while having fun on the yard, with their typically-developing peers?  having fun and developing friendships??  why isn't this happening more?

anyway, this is getting long, sorry.

the day after my meltdown my son came home and shared that he had sat with the students in one of the special day classes at lunch.  i found out later his teacher is encouraging kids to mix it up by sending tables with the most kids from different classes out to recess first.  whatever works.  and one of these kids, my son reported, is super fast, and they played chase at recess.  this made us both feel good. and now he knows this student has a name, and he can use it.  thank you to the teacher who encouraged this connection.

keep moving forward, and make it fun.

j

sometimes, when kids are ornery and i am well, just not having fun being with them i wonder why i don't just work more and keep them in an after school program every day.  but afternoons like this, laid back and peaceful and silly, plenty of time for homework and playing with pets, and punctuated by maya's living room drawing class (this is miles' beautiful tree) i am grateful that i have extra time at home with these two people i love so much.

it may look cluttered to some, but i noticed  "home" painted on the metal window cover (can someone tell me what the word for this thing is??  i didn't grow up in a place where windows needed to be protected overnight) on the corner store this morning while getting a much needed iced coffee before heading to work. i love it.

here is my poor urban child trying to play soccer with his friend during a visit.  note his poor urban sister screaming in terror as the ball approaches.  no room in the yard because of those pesky plant beds.

and here is a visual cue created by my first grader.  definitely looks a bit like the visual cues we use at my work with not very verbal preschool visual learners.  she has been wanting to play school constantly lately, always taking the teacher role.  she seems kind, patient, and creative, which makes me think her teacher is good this year.  however, during school play about 90% of the time my daughter is dealing with behavior.  one doll gets a sticker for good behavior, another gets warning checks, a stuffed basset hound gets very jealous of the doll's sticker.  there are many references to this chart which tells the student to "keep eyes on the teacher" "don't talk" "raise your hand" "stop" and "sit cross-legged".  when is asked why playing school is not more about learning things i was told that this was "behavior school".  i asked if real school was like this and was told no, but it is hard not to wonder.

i can also see that playing/being teacher gives my daughter a socially  acceptable way to have total control during play.  i know she can't stand playing school with her brother because he always plays the back-talking class clown who she has to discipline.  maybe they both need that, being in and being out of control.  maybe we all need some more of one of those things...