corny post, awesome at everything

here are some plugs for my kids' school:

next weekend will be the big school fundraiser. it is not dog fest or gran pachanga, but still, a nice little event with a bluegrass prodigy and lots of goodies up for auction. come by if you can and make a bid on something...last year i bought one raffle ticket and won $500! yes! here's the info.

you are also invited to the annual stage write performance of plays written by 5th graders and performed by awesome adult actors with a live band playing songs with lyrics the kids have written. it's at the brava theater this year. you'll laugh, you'll cry, at least one of each, i promise. more info. and my son drew the bubble gum machine man which is featured on the poster. (i'll have to put that on here later, i'm very proud).

which leads me to the title of this post. over the past few years my son has changed from an anxious kid who was worried about trying new things and going places without me to a pretty confident person. these past few weeks have been good ones for him. he played some great soccer, had his artwork chosen for the stage write poster, and won two blue ribbons at the mac can do track meet (which was held on 4/20 from 4-6 in kezar stadium in gg park right near hippie hill --parking was not easy but it was a very mellow crowd). he also started a writing class at 826 valencia and i noticed he was having a pretty good time hamming it up and even arm-wrestling a very cute girl (she beat him). when he showed me his blue ribbons from the track meet he said "awesome at everything" about himself with a huge smile.

part of me wanted to reel him in and remind him he has to work hard, don't get a big head, etc etc but part of me is just so proud. and grateful to the programs that are supporting him...the school which has drama and sports, the parent friends who have worked so hard to make soccer happen, the pirate store tutoring center full of eager young volunteers, the tenderloin track club. my kid is benefiting from some wonderful programs set up to help kids who really need it gain confidence and skills. he is very lucky. and it is inspiring to see all these programs in action, which is nice when things seem so dire with budget cuts and wierd societal priorities. if my kids were being raised solely by their parents i do believe they would be neurotic wrecks so i am glad they do not have to depend on us for everything. i hope things keep on the way they have for my kids, so they can feel mostly good and confident and occasionally even awesome at everything, and i hope all these fabulous programs can continue to survive because i want all the kids i know to feel this way too.

so come to the fundraiser and stage write show!

random spring holiday-ness

sometimes it bums me out that all of our holiday rituals seem to revolve around candy and/or gifts.

i tried to get the kids interested in learning about the pagan roots of easter with minimal success. i blew eggs and we dyed them and in a moment of inspiration made this mobile. at the zoo we saw a bunny princess but she was all about easter books and parachute games, not springtime and rebirth. last night miles and i accompanied friends to a huge potluck passover seder which was pretty interesting. one of the ideas discussed in little groups was thinking about what our own egypt was and why the desert with its freedom, responsibilities, and dangers might be hard to face, which gave me some things to contemplate. there was great live music and a very cozy singalong at the end with everyone putting their arms around each other's backs in a very friendly way. miles said he liked it but would have liked it better if there was some meat in the potluck dinner. today my brother hosted his annual backyard sugar hunt complete with water machine gun fight, friendly neighbors, and some serious fuzbol. and i did mange to get the kids to help me with the garden a little. damn you, rats! continues, but we harvested some amazing florence fennel and tons of arugula, and i noticed there are now a few artichokes almost ready.

the kids and i capped off the weekend watching the annual bring your own bigwheel race (photo is of maya's favorite racer, her love of nice dresses is gender blind) on vermont street. we were a little late and ran from our house, dashed behind the hospital and zipped right over the highway on the pedestrian bridge. there were so many contestants that the event went on for an hour or so longer than last year so we saw plenty. great music, great costumes, and wonderful to see so many elated adults reliving childhood thrills as they careened around the curves and down the straightaways. if you watch this video to the end you will see that we were almost hit by a michael jackson impersonator.

happy spring!

so there, furlough day!

wow, feels like a lot of furlough days.

we stopped by the new dolores park playground. the best part about this park is, of course, the surreal view. recently the old metal and wood play structures were replaced by the friends of dolores park playground. when miles saw it he commented that "it's not just cool it's sick." but despite the tall and wide slides, climbing wall, kinetic wind sculpture, rocks to climb and blue foam hills to stumble over, my kids were not excited for long. they did spend some time playing with these cool chimes, but overall were more into this climbing tree and the way the leaves smelled (delicious). i wonder how much longer i will be able to hang out at playgrounds with my kids...i love 'em, just the energy of a playground, but maybe my children are starting to move on. waahhh!

we also stopped by the bernal library where miles ran into a buddy. they started reading a book called fart powder aloud together and then discussed the merits of this fine piece of fiction, so they did get some english language arts time in--so there, furlough day!

and there was a poster up at the library about a kindness chain, kids were supposed to write something kind someone did for them on a slip of paper, and the librarian would attach it to the long paper chain laying on top of the dvd section. maya wrote "my mom kised me" with a picture of us puckering up so much i thought i was a parrot. i told miles he had to do it, which sometimes works, and he surprised me by writing "my teacher is kind because she is always teaching me a lot of things and that takes a lot of work." AWWWWWW. so there, nah nah nah nah nah furlough day!

yikes

maya told me that a boy in her kindergarten class has a crush on her. she told me that he said liked her clothes, said she was smart, and that she was pretty and he liked everything about her.

this afternoon she wanted me to pretend i was a boy wearing jeans and a black t-shirt and sunglasses who was watching her dance. her idea was that she would come over and ask me to dance and i would be so surprised and happy and shy because i was in love with her. but then i would dance with her and we would kiss. a good distraction got me out of this rock and roll version of cinderella because her brother came in and they started playing a wildly unsuccessful jump rope game which ended in two injuries .

i think we need to keep maya away from teen media. no more good luck charlie episodes or high school musical in mandarin.

tough

the special education department in the school district i work for is going through a transition. i have hope that things are moving in the right direction, but we are definitely not yet where we need to be. the idea is a move towards services rather than programs but how this looks in reality has not really been spelled out. say you have a kid who needs a ton of support at school for various reasons, but who also has a lot of skills and potential he doesn't always show. say the school district recommends he gets the highest level of support it can offer, which it says is a "severely impaired special day class" even though the idea we are transitioning toward is that kids just need "specialized academic instruction" for a certain amount of their day rather than being placed in a certain category. it is hard not to hear this and not think your kid is being labeled "severely impaired" and it is hard not to disagree with the recommendation when you visit the class where your kid is assigned and see that all the other kids in this class are not verbal and that there is very little interaction between kids happening. tough tough tough.

i am sure this is not so interesting to you non-special education readers, but we really need to do better. what can be better in these crappy budget times? getting rid of the special day class categories and just looking more at student:teacher ratio would be a good start, but would cost more money. if a kid needs a high ratio of teachers: students, a small class, and a lot of specialized academic instruction can't we provide this without grouping the kids in such a leveled way? if leveling/tracking is not OK in general education elementary why is it OK in special education at the elementary level? maybe REALLY individualizing the ieps, because there really are some very unique kids who don't fit in neatly as severely impaired, mild-moderate or emotionally disturbed (which are some of the names of classes the district can recommend they be placed in) by assigning some of these hard to place kids to specific teachers, with specific paras, at specific schools that might be the best match. this would open a huge can of worms, of course, and probably can't happen. but it might be a start. i felt on the wrong side of the table today making a recommendation that did not seem so great, but was the best we could come up with. of course we can tell this parent that if she goes downtown and is a squeaky wheel she might get a different offer. i hope she does, but felt a lot of compassion today for a parent in a tough situation.

there is a lot of "it will all work out in the end" talk in my work and parenting life, and in general i believe this talk is true, but it would be nice if some of the pain could be avoided in the first place.

iPad

I am trying to write my first blog post from my new iPad. I will keep it short as I don't quite have the hang of this yet and don't know how to attach a photo. This piece of technology is pretty sweet, but I am a little annoyed that I dipped into my pretty much nonexistent savings to buy it, when the main reason I bought it was for work. Since I have a budget of zero dollars for materials to use with my students, and since my students need manipulatives and visual supports, I thought the iPad might help cut down on the endless trips to the store for new puppets, books, toys, velcro, and craft materials I have been buying. Plus I do not have a computer in the room where I see walk-in students for therapy and (although I do need the exercise) I am tired of dashing upstairs between students to use the computer in the school library. I have become quite friendly with the librarian, which is nice. I have heard rumors all year about how teachers and therapists serving severely impaired students might get iPads for work, but the rumors seem to be just that, so I gave up and bought my own. Now we won't need piano lessons because Pluto the penguin will teach my kids on the iPad! No need for Mandarin summer camp, iPad will teach the kids Mandarin vocabulary!

On a more serious note, some of the apps for the iPad and iPhone are amazing, especially for visual learners. I have some students who could learn a ton of receptive language from some of these apps. A few of my parents can afford the technology, many probably can't. It would be a good bang for the buck to buy iPads for teachers and their students who could really benefit from them. I can think of several of these kids right now. It would make a lot of sense...but I will be surprised if my district buys any of these magical little devices for anyone in these messed up budget times. So I bought one for myself, will share a little with my students, and can recommend apps to my wealthier parents. The rich get richer. The poor get, well, not richer.

better write something

i have been watching a lot of documentaries lately. loving lampposts, about how families deal when their child is given an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis. forks over knives, which makes a very convincing argument about why we should all immediately start eating a plant-based whole foods diet (*note, i spent the weekend after watching this eating way too much fried chicken, pizza, and birthday cake--what can you do with three parties in one weekend?), little man, about a mom's advocacy for her 20-week-old preemie son and the effects of this kid's life on his family, and being elmo, about the puppeteer who created this character--his devotion to his dream and how mentors bring up the next generations.

my son turned 9, and it was a very different party than those of previous years. four guests, a sleepover, and unlimited screen time. not long ago we were doing treasure hunts and pirate themes, and now four boys huddled together around their nintendo ds games. miles is growing up fast. but still not able to get his own bowl of cereal! i was very grateful for a long period sunday morning lying cuddled in bed reading our books together.

we had a furlough day friday. miles was invited to a friend's house whose teacher mom organized an all-day activity in which they learned about the branches of government and then wrote a bill and passed a law for kids to get their own phones. maya and i went to my brother's house where four girls did a science experiment, homework, and then wrote and recorded a song about furlough days. it was hard not to think about all the kids who don't have teacher-y parents or parents who could take time off work, and were probably home watching tv most of the day.

this morning mayor ed lee came to congratulate the kids at starr king for their great improvement on the STAR tests next year. i have been seeing some real negatives of teaching to the test lately,and felt a little cynical about this visit. i am seeing firsthand that the focus on high test achievement discourages giving teachers time or motivation to differentiate and help the kids who are struggling or not challenged by grade level material. it also takes time away from the many valuable subjects which are not directly represented on the tests.

many folks have written far more eloquently on this subject, sorry.

mayor lee was so down-to-earth, though, and good at speaking right to the kids, that i appreciated his visit. "work hard and do well in school and you will be better able to get a good job, help others in the world, and help your parents when they get old" was his message.

voices for children

i am listening to the president of a national children's advocacy group, voices for america's children, on npr. check out the website if you have a minute. in all the national debates about the future--the economy, employment, climate change, abortion, taxes, very little time is being spent talking about children. why? the cynical answer is that kids don't have lobbyists. so sad. more people need to get angry about what is happening on the backs of kids, especially poor kids.

more whining, actually ranting

all right, since i just whined in that last post i will do it again.

rats are ruining my little urban garden! neighbors are saying that when they started the huge hospital rebuild next door a lot of rats lost their homes and moved to the surrounding blocks. it may not be much but tending to my garden is something i really enjoy. lately seeds have not been growing,and then we saw a rat, and then another, and then i realized the rats were taking the seeds. on another gardener's advice i planted some seeds up on my deck in egg cartons and the first night the seeds were taken and the egg carton ripped up. then last night something chewed all the leaves off my prize collard greens tree (grown from a clipping a gardener in the richmond community garden gave me two years ago). i know they are just little creatures trying to survive but BOO ON RATS. now everything i pick will feel just a little less fresh and healthy and a little more contaminated by rat feet. it just makes me want to go have a drink and listen to some metal music in a loud bar. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! how dare those rats mess with my little vegetable paradise? and how are we going to get rid of them??

Off Balance

I need an administrative assistant. I really do. Because I am paid for 18 hours per week of work. And I spend exactly 18 hours per week providing direct therapy for my students. That leaves another 4-5 hours minimum per week of unpaid work--this is called caseload management. Some of it is good stuff--writing progress reports and new goals, sharing strategies and education with caregivers, coordinating with other members of the student's IEP team. Oh yeah, and planning lessons and therapy. And taking data on progress. And creating therapy materials. And cleaning play dough off the rug.

Some of it is not so good stuff, like completing time surveys and submitting them online. Completing a very lengthy developmental profile for each student twice a year which goes into some central repository and the parent never reads. Right now we have switched to a new online IEP system. To get started ( and yes I am doing this at home in bed because I only have zero paid minutes per week to do this stuff at my actual work site) "all students need to be verified and SEIS records need to be initiated. All service providers need to verify their student caseloads and confirm their students' services, and case managers need to Affirm and Attest each student in SEIS to validate this information." THERE IS A 27 PAGE MANUAL EXPLAINING THIS PROCESS. Excited yet? This is work--entering all this information is work, but it is not really the work I am being paid to do. Why am I doing it? Because the state and federal governments are asking educators to provide more and more and more documentation that progress is being made, and there is no one to provide the documentation except the people providing the services. Kind of crazy.

I am sure you have heard this rant from folks working in the schools before, but it is just feeling so crystal clear to me lately. Next week I have a small space in the morning when I would love to go observe one of my students at his other preschool. This would be the best use of my time and I could brainstorm with his teachers there about intervention strategies. It would be a good bang for the buck for our poor strapped education system. Instead I will be feverishly affirming and attesting the pile of IEPS I have.

The world of private speech and language therapists looks mighty attractive during stretches like this, when I am just exhausted by the hurricane of kids and families and PAPERWORK. I just have to keep remembering that I like the real work that I do...but I like it a lot better when I have time to do it.

I know there is a reason for documentation and measurable goals and online data systems, but there is a point when the pros outweigh the cons. I see it at my work, I see it at my kids school where testing and standards are not always the road to best practices and deep learning. We need some balance in this system.

pitchfork

maya's plan after reading crictor:

if a burglar comes in our house i will just grab my pitchfork and run down the hall right at him and stick him and then i will carry the pitchfork down the stairs with the burglar on it like a flag and then go outside and call 911. and i'll tell the police to give me back the pitchfork for the other ones (burglars).

i feel safer now.

all i ever needed to know i learned in a percy jackson book

home again. it is a day of sudden weather changes, gusts of wind, hard rain, bright sun in a cloudy sky. miles seemed really sick this morning, coughing and hacking after a weekend of marching in the chinese new year parade, playing soccer, playing futsal, but is now dancing around singing "it's a hard butt life" to the tune of hard knock life. now he is surfing on a little rocking chair eating chocolate pudding and grinning ear to ear lip syncing to dynamite and singing "i stick my hands up in the poo sometimes." oh, ho ho, the potty jokes so funny i just can't stand it. really. why didn't i send this kid to school?

i just ate a delicious home grown lunch of a radish sandwich (sliced radish on wheat bread with butter) and a big bowl of radish greens and arugula. the garden continues to surprise me. it kind of does its own thing at this point, although i am sure it could use some more help from me. many of the greens have reseeded, and surprises like big red radishes just kind of pop out some days. sorrel, arugula, broccoli raab, radishes, slowly rounding blueberries, tall green onions,a lone lemon on a small tree. the fruit trees are blossoming, confused by this weather. i don't have much to do with any of it but i love going out back and coming back in with some food.

miles and i watched "pelada" today, a documentary made by two soccer players who traveled around the world filming pick up games and meeting players. i tried to tie in a little geography and explain some of the different cultures, but miles aptly summarized the film as "if you miss something just keep on doing it to enjoy it. or if you miss it keep on doing it. if you quit start again." which is really what the movie was about--the film makers were both players who were very good, but never made it to the pros, and in the end were joyfully playing pick up games in a park as an enrichment to the rest of their lives, like the folks they found playing pick up games around the globe for the pure enjoyment. one child described first seeing a soccer ball and finding it "beautiful".

anyway, the title here refers to the rick riordan books which miles has been reading pretty relentlessly. he is learning about greek myths in detail from them. somehow this is tied in to the rest of this sick day post, and the rest of our lives...how? i am not sure, but you do have to keep doing what you enjoy....reading, writing, studying our goofy kids, sports, marching in a spectacle, pulling backyard greens for lunch. everything doesn't need to be complicated.

my mandarin language learners and empathy

my kids are in a dual immersion program, mandarin and english. when my son started most of the families spoke only english, and the kids were all learning mandarin together. in the past few years things have shifted, and there are more and more families with children who speak mandarin. in many ways this is wonderful, and the newer groups of kids are closer to the language mix the program is designed to serve. at least a third of my kindergartener's class speaks mandarin fluently, and i think she is learning more from her classmates than my third grader did. we have met so many great families in all the grades.

the ugly side of this is that now kids like my kids are viewed in a negative light by some parents at the school. just a few, but the viewpoint is out there and it hurts. some of these parents may not be aware that they are thinking this way. but kids like my kids (Mandarin Language Learners, or MLLs) are considered to be slowing things down for the kids who are already fluent in mandarin. "diluting the quality of the program" is a phrase i heard about english-speaking families who don't pursue tutoring outside of school for their kids. it is just a few people, but knowing that anyone at a school does not think your kid really belongs is troublesome. it is a public school! it is designed as a dual immersion program!

i remember when we looked for schools many in-search-of-kindergarten parents (including myself) would say they didn't want a certain school because there were too many english language learners (ELLs). it was assumed that the kindergarten classes full of these ELLs would go at a slower pace, and there would only be a focus on "the basics"--not good enough for our kids who already spoke english and knew oh so much. there was also the feeling that kindergartens with too many poor kids who had not attended preschool would not be interesting and challenging for our middle class kids.

now i am on the other side of that equation. is my creative and wonderful daughter who is just starting to learn a new language at school hindering the progress of her classmates who are already bilingual? is my funny and athletic son who reads like a fiend, always does his homework and particpates eagerly in chinese language arts bringing others down? and what about me and my husband? we can't teach our kids anything in mandarin, and although we make sure they do their homework we can't really talk about it. i suggest chinese books from the library but since i can't read them the kids want the ones in english. so what do we do to support their progress in learning mandarin at school? so far the most consistent activity we have done at home is to let the kids watch mandarin videos.

just kind of interesting. i had not thought that enrolling my kids in mandarin immersion would create more understanding in me for those ELL kids who are subtly judged and criticized for being behind in their english language acquisition. i hadn't thought i would feel more empathy for those families who for whatever reason can not provide much academic support at home--but i do. what is the point of thinking a kid or family doesn't belong? it doesn't feel good to know your kid is not wanted somewhere, especially when you consider them to be thriving.

we are moving towards more inclusive practices in special education in this district as well, and all these issues come together--in a public school, and in public society, all kids belong, and all teachers need support so they can serve all our kids as best they can.

catch-up post

it's a gray monday morning and i am off work doing laundry, dishes, sorting out mounds of kid artwork (maya has been drawing lots of lovely ladies and decorated wine glasses), and listening to NPR stories about oil in nigeria and how private equity is destroying our economy.

hard to know what to write about when there is so much to say. i just came from the school where there was a presentation by the kids who will be marching in the chinese new year parade. i liked watching a very cool fifth grade boy help button a third graders jacket and watched my little boy running as part of the dragon, which looks smaller each year as the kids grow bigger. when they announced students of the week lots of people cheered when a little boy who spent the first months of kindergarten being sent to the office and sent home was named student of the week for his class. his smile was huge in his little round face. a parent who will be helping with the parade this weekend confided her fear about being near the school at night, which is sad but honest, as there has been lots of violence in the neighborhood near the school recently. it is hard to reconcile the facts of these bright little kids running around on the playground with the crime and gun violence happening so close to some of their houses.

i have been part of a group interviewing garden coordinators to work at the school and hope that all the efforts of adults--to engage kids with sports, nature, reading, parades,music, art, good nutrition (while struggling through their own lives as teachers, parents and learners) will somehow fortify the kids to steer away from a future of more crime and violence--of the white collar type, the blue collar type, the gun type, the emotional type, the throw your garbage out the bus window type, the ridicule others type, you get the idea. it is hard for all people to do the right thing, don't think i am making judgments here. i know i am not so great at it.

i felt a flash of anger this morning seeing a photo in national geographic kids of michelle obama exercising with a bunch of kids on the lawn of the white house. it bugs me that our president's kids are in private school. it just does.

see, you never know where these rambling posts will lead. the sun just came out. on the couch next to me is a tattered copy of "after the quake" by haruki murakami. what a beautiful book, i encourage you all to read it, a group of stories written about characters in japan dealing in different ways with the facts of their lives after their country is shaken hard.

hanging out with a bottle of wine, foraging, chocolate-making

it was a nice three-day weekend except for the occasional tantrum blowing through. i am trying to learn how to parent my passionate children better, but it can be hard.

a neighbor friend came over one day with wine and our kids wrote comic books and worked on projects while we talked and had time to drink the whole bottle in little cups. it felt spur of the moment and nice to drink wine during the day.

an old friend visited town for a chocolate conference. he makes fantastic chocolate and lives near a volcano in hawaii. we got a little group together and spent a few hours foraging for native edibles in glen park in the mist and rain. the dog got muddy, kids got muddier. we picked lots of miner's lettuce and chickweed, wild mustard and radish. then we brought back the greens and made a big salad to nibble on during an extremely impromptu six-hour chocolate-making party with new friends and old.

so, there is school stuff and scary budget stuff and work stuff and tantrumming kid stuff. but there is also chocolate, the not-appreciated-by-all pleasure of foraging for food, and friends getting together to drink wine and make things. it was a nice weekend. i need more of this.

xo in the sky, wierd post

my iphone camera did not quite capture it, but we saw this full moon and "x" made of jet plane exhaust. maya called it a hug and kiss in the sky.

maya is almost six now, and we celebrated her birthday with an old fashioned party full of candy, cake, games, streamers, and horrible but much appreciated kidz bop music. maya received a pricey american girl doll named mckenna, who has been renamed thorn hunt, and who is currently being held and styled by her new mother. she came right from the american girl orphanage, but maya also gave birth to her, and i am the grandma.

lately things have seemed stuck in ruts, both in the personal and public worlds, which can be depressing and overwhelming. seeing negative cycles repeat and expand can be scary. this morning, however, i was so happily surprised (shocked, really), to see miles playing with his sister and her new doll. miles agreed to be the dad, and made a blanket for thorn's cardboard bed. i think he was entranced by her long thick hair--miles has been into hair for a while. he used to comb mine when he was just a toddler, and combs his sister's before school in the morning.

it was a nice reminder not to put my kid in a box--he may be obsessed with sports and video games, and buying more video games, but he also tends to dolls, loves his dog, and watched martin luther king's "i have a dream" speech on youtube 3 times this morning.

there is a key to unlock the part of every person which is capable of being caring and nurturing towards others. for miles, it may be hair. whatever it is, it seems like finding and taking care of this part of all of us is important for our future. i hope that nurturing this part of the next generation will be up there on the government's list of educational priorities. how to make this happen??

the horse boy

i just watched a documentary about a couple seeking help for their son with autism, the horse boy. they end up taking him on a journey to what must be one of the most beautiful places on earth, mongolia, and riding horses for days on end as they met with shamans and are accompanied by the guide and his six-year-old son. at the end of the trip the boy had changed, with less tantrums, more social connectedness with peers, and was using the toilet. the father considered it the work of the shamans, the mother was not so convinced, but they both seemed strong in their belief that the trip had drastically changed their lives. they now run a center for children with autism that specializes in equine therapy, out in the country in texas.

i couldn't help but feel as i watched this quite beautiful film, that just about any kid in the world would come out stronger after a journey like this, knowing that it was all for him, to help him, that his parents were 100% there for him, and that each day he could do his most preferred activity for hours, ride horses, through an amazing wide open landscape of water, green, and blue sky. AND there was a little boy there with him, all day, a funny little friendly typically-developing kid who just jumped right in to playing with him. chase, animals, pretend fighting and wrestling, silly sounds. wonderful.

of course my mind went to two of my current obsessions--that all kids need the kind of time this kid lucked out to have--time engaging with the natural, not man-made world, of plants, animals, rocks, water, mud. and that kids with autism need time, lots of time, to play with friendly, typically-developing kids.

i am in a city where these things are not happening for many kids, and the inequities are hard to take, especially when the kids are just entering the world of school. why do some preschool kids with autism in our public schools end up in places with lots of nature and great opportunities to become friends with peers both with and without disabilities? why are others assigned to schools with mostly asphalt, and ONLY kids with disabilities to interact with? i know things are changing, and "we're working on it" but how is that going to help the kids who are missing out on opportunities right now? it is driving me a little crazy. i am becoming more of an inclusion advocate, especially for preschool. kind of wandering all over the place here, but that is where this film took me. check it out if you have a chance.

i have probably written this sentence too many times on this blog but ALL kids need more time in nature. we are working on it at my kids' school, but it is slow work.

2012 is the year i am going to be louder and squeakier calling out what i think could be much better in my little world of special education. i will just have to be patient, thoughtful, and see if i can use some of that drummer's timing i used to have when i call it out.

winter staycation 2011

some photos. it has been a beautiful two weeks off with sun, fog, presents, treats, video games, tennis camp, golden gate park, zoo, cliff house, beach. one of my kids is going through some kind of emotional change, and there have been a lot of tears and angst most evenings, but that is a story for another time. another year has rolled by, another opportunity for resolutions-- which are kind of ridiculous in many ways, but i still have a little hope i can change for the better.

micro bake sale for the food bank

maya and i just finished our micro bake sale. we made peanut butter cookies with hershey's kisses a few days ago, and we managed not to eat them all. this morning we set up a little table and sign right outside our front door. i put the beck radio station on pandora. we cozied up on the cold stoop in our jackets and started waiting. there was something very zen-like about this activity. we looked across the street at the blue sky above the houses and let the traffic flow before out eyes. then the random giving and not giving and getting began. our first customer was a woman who worked at ucsf and gave us $5.00 for one cookie. then many people walked by with just smiles or averted gazes. a happy woman bought two cookies for $1 and ran off laughing on high heeled boots. a confused looking man carrying lots of paper and plastic bags walked by and we gave him two cookies for free. a man walked by and said he would like to buy one but didn't have money so we gave him a cookie. then he ran back with a dollar, he had bumped into his friend down the block, and shouted a huge "merry christmas". our grim-faced neighbor came out of the house and biked away. another neighbor came out and gave us $5.00 for a few cookies for a kind co-worker. a woman from around the corner gave us a dollar for a cookie, then returned in her car, jumped out and gave us $5. more people walked by without looking. a woman tried to communicate with us in spanish, was unsuccessful, then filled a bag with about 10 cookies and walked away, leaving maya with her jaw hanging open. a neighbor from across the street came over and gave us $5 for "la nina" and told us in spanish about how he only had boys and some other things i could not understand at all. bob marley came on the radio. more people went by without stopping. bikers in the bike lane checked us out. we said "yes!" if we got a smile. miles made a half-hearted attempt to join us for a few minutes, but then went back to his video game upstairs. a ups man came by with two boxes for us from delaware grandparents. it was warming up. then one more woman came by with $5 and we told her to take the rest of our goods.

now we are going to take the money to the food bank. i have no idea if this will help the kids understand anything. money, giving, getting, it is all pretty random in our world. our bake sale felt nice, though.

wreaths, bogeyman

photos are wreaths made by me, miles, and maya.

we had a potluck wreath party and it was a success. friends brought evergreen, bay, and olive branches, dried poppies, berries, artichokes, tiny oranges, clippers, dried flowers. a bunch of ladies and kids sat close together on the back porch in the cool sun and attached plants to wire, and plants to each other, while sipping on hot mulled cider with rum. it was very nice.

just now i was cleaning the greens off the back deck, leaving the back door open as i went in and out, when i felt a stab of fear. there have been two very violent assaults on women in my neighborhood recently. i thought about the door being open and unattended and closed and locked it, then went around the house checking in closets and behind doors to make sure this predator had not snuck into my home. i don't know what i thought i would do if i found him, and this feeling of being scared of a bogeyman coming into my house is awful.

there was also a homicide not far from here not too long ago. is it paranoid to be hyper-vigilant, or is it denial to not be?

i am missing chicken, my big strong barking dog who made me feel safe for many years. i hate that there is fear in the air on my beautiful sunny day off.

hour wait

i've spent the last hour on the playground and in the cafeteria at my kid's school, waiting for a 10:00 meeting with the director of the green schoolyard alliance. there is a lot going on around here. the food pantry volunteers laid out pasta, potatoes, pears, garbanzo beans and sushi wraps on a long cafeteria table and families lined up to fill their bags and boxes(i scored some nice pears and brown rice). this happens every tuesday. kids played holiday songs on trumpets in a circle on the stage. fourth and fifth graders did some kind of project decorating t-shirts with the inclusion teacher. first graders ran excitedly across the playground with their lunch bags, on their way to see the sf symphony. a crew of gardeners whacked weeds and shrubs. "hi jamie" random kids called as they walked by. a car drove around the corner too fast blasting heavy duty hip hop. pre-school kids are riding tricycles around on the little playground and whooping, one crying. i spot my son's best friend loitering as he walks across the playground in the sun, doing a little dance on the four-square court before he spots me and calls out "can miles come over to play at my house?" now the clarinet players are rushing to the cafeteria with their instruments. a seagull flies overhead. the playworks coach helps a kid in a wheelchair hand over hand to shoot a basketball into the net. parents lead other parents on school tours, anxious questions rising into the air.

we are meeting to talk about making green changes at starr king school, and that is exciting. but this has been a sweet wait, reassuring me that even on the huge expanse of asphalt there is plenty of life here already.

why not?

i had a pile of miles' old clothes to give away lying in the hall and maya found this size 6 suit. silly me, not thinking of my daughter! here she is the "office lady" with what looks like her first paycheck (actually a birthday card).

maya wore this to friend's party but then chickened out on the front stoop and wouldn't go inside wearing her suit because she thought everyone would laugh. she hid behind me and shuffled into the bathroom where she changed into a pair of pants the hostess graciously provided. so sad.

we are once again in the throes of christmas greed and entitlement but i think maybe even my materialistic son is starting to think about all the ideas floating in the air about sustainability, sharing the wealth, etc. he did not have a huge fit when i said no way to a toy all his friends seem to be getting, and that is a step in the right direction. we are going to have a little bake sale outside our house and donate the money to kids who don't have toys.

speaking of donations, our kids' school needs them bad. here comes my shameless plea. if you are reading this and have the urge, please go donate at the starr king website. supporting the schools really is an investment in the future. it feels good, too. pass it on.

more creeping normalcy

(maya's photo of trees at potrero rec center)

i was at my kids' school this morning. we seem to spend quite a few weekend hours up there. it is a beautiful spot, and walking distance away. the school is perched on top of a hill with views all the way across the bay on one side, and across the city to twin peaks on the other. some days we go up there to water trees, or weed the garden. there are monthly work days where parents clean, scrape, paint, and build shelves. this morning a bunch of dads were working on a project with ladders and tools and extension cords and a few of us moms were up there to talk to the principal. the moms were there to brainstorm with the principal about the best way to find and hire a new kindergarten teacher because it is VERY hard to find teachers for the mandarin program. miles and the other kids rode bikes around the playground and hit balls against the wall in the fresh november air.

after the meeting i went to office depot. i am being moved from the school site and program i have loved and helped develop for five years. i am being moved due to the bottom line. the district needs the same number of speech and language pathologists to serve an increasing number of kids for the same amount of money. i just threw down quite a bit of cash at amazon for materials for my new site. at office depot i paid for color copies of all the picture communication boards and visual supports i have made for my classes over the years. i have to leave the materials i have made behind and my last day is tuesday. i am going to have to buy a laminator for my house as i don't feel comfortable going to a new site and asking them for funds for copying and laminating when i will be serving walk-in preschool kids from the community who don't even attend the school. basically i am being placed at a site and asked to provide therapy and materials for students with a budget of $0 to do so.

so, this is the new deal for me. less money to work with more students. kids at a school which is increasingly dependent on parent resources and support. everything is trickling down and interrelated in my little microcosm. i am identifying more and more with the talk about aftershocks and the 99%.

i really do believe there is enough to go around, and i have no problem having a little less money and spending time and cash nurturing my kids' school and my students. it just won't work unless we can all do the same, though.

cuddled in the bed in the dark with my two kids. we are watching movies with the excuse that one of them is sick. it's quite nice. i love these little people and will do everything i can for them.

insider's visual representation of mandarin immersion kindergarten math

it has something to do with the number concept "10". not sure what else to say about this one!

3 birthday parties

life here is almost too full and varied. just popping at the seams with interactions with all kinds of nouns.

saturday after dance class the kids and and i went to a birthday celebration and memorial for the brother of one of miles' classmates. he was shot and killed five years ago, and part of the idea behind the celebration was that we need to heal and love ourselves first in order to become a more peaceful community. the other big part was about creating unity. we arrived at the park in the bayview and people were milling around the rec center, but soon there was a call for everyone to hold hands in a circle. brother clint poured libations and said the word "ashay" each time he poured the water and mentioned brave people who had died. he asked us all to think of people who had died. then a young boy poured the water into some earth under big trees. a healer came and led us all in an exercise where we repeated her words about loving and taking care of ourselves. then the family released balloons and shouted happy birthday to their child who had been killed. much food was cooked and there was a storyteller as well, telling african folktales. it was a pretty amazing display of positivity. later maya joined in painting a mural with miles' classmate. this event has been held every year since the murder.

this morning miles went to a birthday party in the marina and maya and i waited while he celebrated his friend's birthday by bouncing on trampolines and playing dodgeball. as we watched all the tourists and kids riding expensive bikes and adults walking briskly with purebred dogs i felt a million miles away from where we had been the day before. we sat in the sand and watched a blimp move surprisingly quickly across the sky as we made a little sand and stone village. later we went to yet another birthday party in brisbane for an old friend's little boy, just a normal kind of park and a mix of brisbanians hitting pinatas and jumping in jumpy castles.

living here is sometimes not very grounding. time seems to pass so quickly when we can move worlds away by driving across the city.

i guess i should mention that adding the this feeling of being in many worlds last night was the monthly mom's night and we were out pretty late at el rio, watching bands rock hard until way after bedtime. the bands felt close to my age, one all ladies with a stripper who was almost bare, one a mexican punk rock band with close to a cult following shouting along, and another a devo-type band, the phenomenauts, super silly and awesome. at the end of the night i found myself talking to a young guy who had just come back from the military, where he had been for five years since he turned 17. he seemed pretty lost.

tonight at story time maya picked a book about two friends who are separated into different classes when they go to first grade, and a book about martin luther king. after we read both she got the first grade book and found a picture of the two friends holding hands and said "it's like in this book, she is white, and she is black, and they are like BEST FRIENDS!" which may sound trite as you read it but which seemed perfect coming out of my five-year-old's mouth tonight.

more feathered friends, please excuse the rant

it really must mean something, how many of these posts end up related to birds. hmm, any ideas?

this has been a hard week as the reality has sunk in that i am being moved from a school site i have actually looked forward to most mornings for the last five years to a big unknown. not only will i miss specific kids, parents, and staff, i will miss the lovely location of the EES where i have been working, and i will REALLY miss the service delivery model, which was pretty much just playing with kids, singing and reading to kids, and helping them communicate along the way. waah, i will miss it. i will be going into a more clinical model, but i will wait to write more about that when i have more of an idea of what it will be like.

i do know this is an excuse to spend money i absolutely do not have on fun new preschool games and activities. hello, credit card.

i guess what is unsettling is the fact that i have worked in a field in one school district for eleven years and no one who is in charge of my fate (assigning me to kids and schools) has any idea what, if anything, i am good at. i admit, i have started to feel like i know what i am doing with a pretty specific population and service delivery model, but poof, i am being placed elsewhere, a little tiny part of a big machine which is basically just responsible for shifting people around so that there are enough therapists at enough schools to cover enough minutes of time and enough assessments with enough kids. so, i might have felt pleased with my work as i watched good things happen with my students, but the district does not look at my experience as meaningful, in the sense that it should be added to the district's supposed goal of improving outcomes for kids. no one is evaluating the work that is being done. sure, i have had evaluations but they don't go anywhere or mean anything. since things have been going well for the kids at my site it seems i would be continuing on or developing/helping improve upon the model within which i have been working (i had some fantasies about doing this kind of "bigger picture" work), but this does not even get considered. by anyone. except me.

teachers out there, you know what i am talking about, right? i will see how the new assignment goes, but deep down i am becoming more disassociated and less caring about the big picture. i still care about my students, and always will. but what can all my ideas about best practice come to when there is a bottom line so much more powerful that any person's experience or expertise? i think maybe hearing so much news about moving backward in so many ways in the bigger world due to money woes (republicans, i am talking about you) is making this seem harder. can't we be moving forward and enlightened anywhere?

sorry about that rant. i am sure it will be all right. at least i have a job, and maybe change will keep me on my toes. the world will be fine and occupy sf will rise up and we will all become happy socialists and there will be peace. the kids will start behaving themselves and brush their teeth vigorously twice a day without reminders. little caterpillars will stop eating all my backyard vegetables.

we visited a new friend of maya's from kindergarten today. they live high on a hill overlooking the green swoops of mclaren park, with a backyard that included "the back 40"--trees for climbing, two swings, a chicken coop with a little chimney, and honey bee boxes. ok, i am incredibly jealous, but we do have lots of wonderful culture and food around here, which you can check out while you scrape the garbage off your shoe. it was a sweet visit and miles and i even got in exactly 40 minutes of mommy vs. son soccer time on a big drizzly field.

here are the kids with the adorable chicks, and maya's lovely rendition of a girl turkey.

my saturday, i mean sunday

hi,my name is miles millman and i am guest blogging on my mom's email for my first time ever ! i had just gotten into a cool comic called ''the prince of tennis'' because i had just started playing tennis again because i had found my old tennis racket in an old box in my mom and dad's room . for some reason i thought that i should start playing tennis.

and for the whole day i was basically playing tennis. at first i went to a birthday party and i thought it was so boring that i was going to die because the only reason i came there was to eat pizza and cake. it turned out there was only cupcakes and we also had to wait an hour to get the pizza.

and then later on i had to wait at home and do nothing except read the prince of tennis while waiting for my dad to come and take me to the park to play tennis with my friend named jed who also played tennis like me. then it turned out that we played my dad and jed's dad instead of me playing my friend jed. the rest of the day i have been typing this email for half an hour and right now i am saying the words you are reading right now and my sister and mother are laying in the bed and are trying to go to sleep but they cannot because i am talking to them right now for them to give me ideas. that is the end of my day so far, so bye i will talk to you on my mother's blog some other day. bye.

p.s. i am not spoiled rotton i just sound like i am

inclusion drama group

i was asked for permission to have my son participate in a inclusion drama group run by a mental health specialist at his school. my first question was--is miles having problems at school that i don't know about? less than a year ago he was having anxiety problems and near panic attacks about not getting picked up on time from his after school program. remember that? i sure do. no, he was chosen as an open-minded peer model for a group that will have a few kids from general education/mandarin immersion and a few kids from the special day class.

yes! interesting that my son and i will be doing some of the same work/play--getting kids with and without autism or related disabilities together at school to play. i asked him about it and he just said he got picked to be a "good role model". if only he could be one of those for his sister at home...

i am all for a curriculum of creativity, peace,tolerance and inclusion at school--if this generation of school-kids doesn't start to get it right then we really are in big trouble, all too-many-billion of us...

2011 day of the dead

my camera battery died for day of the dead (right?!), so i only have these two to offer from halloween.

halloween was halloween. i felt proud of my son because he wanted to be a "big fat chicken" and was comfortable in his very homemade costume. the yellow rubber gloves pulled over his shoes for chicken feet were my favorite, but he was most pleased with the fat aspect of his costume, a pillow stuffed in front and back which got a lot of friendly punches and attention. maya had the brilliant idea to be a toilet with a remote control skunk popping out, but we just couldn't put it together over the weekend, so she was a witch. we met our friends on potrero hill, saw some great decorations, and scored lots of candy. the kids were ready to go home after an hour--it has been a busy few weeks.

tonight i went out alone to garfield park to check out the day of the dead celebration and altars. once again i fell into a peaceful and somewhat awed state. every year the altars are more beautiful and elaborate. some are pure family, with grandmas and cousins, missed fathers and mothers. some are for the community, with various places to write messages to and thoughts about dead friends and family. people with beautifully painted skeleton faces walk throughout the crowd. there was a heavy metal altar. a skateboard altar. probably my favorite was an altar with information about the tribes of what is now called california--how most are gone, but some members live on. there was a tree in the middle of four converging paths. each path (north, south, east, west) represented something different, such as illumination of the mind, facing the darkness. you took a handful of cornmeal and walked to the center from the direction you chose, placed the cornmeal under the tree. incense is in the air. most people are talking and some are laughing, a few look sad. lots of marigolds and the smell of weed too. many little candles. all kinds of san francisco people are here, definitely many folks younger than me. a sorrowful sounding brass band walks by. a man is breaking the rules and selling ice cold beer from his cooler on wheels but that's ok.

halloween was a little unsettling because i can't help but notice every year how my kids are getting bigger and bigger. each halloween reminds me that this holiday will be limited--that all too soon my babies will not want me with them on halloween night. day of the dead feels more calming and grounding to me. somehow knowing that there will be people out celebrating us when we are gone, with a photo, a scrawled message on a piece of paper hanging in the air, or an elaborate altar with candles and art and sculpture is comforting. i can hear the sounds right now from my house, a bunch of drums playing together, over the waves of traffic noise, people pounding on their drums. i know there is a throng of people still out there, one man playing kool and the gang through a speaker, others holding hands and missing someone, most just enjoying being alive.

life story

"when i am in first grade then n. will be in 2nd grade. when i am in 2nd grade n. will be in third grade. when i am in third grade n. will be in fourth grade. when i am in fourth grade n. will be in fifth grade. when i am in fifth grade n. will be in college. when i am in college n. will be a mommy. when i am a mommy n. will be an old lady. when i am an old lady n. will die."

maya's breathless account of the lives of her and her cousin, with sad ending.

local local, love

this week we attended two evening school events. free, fun.

one was a visit from local author and illustrator ashley wolff, who came and illustrated a book that the kids "wrote" by yelling out crazy comments from the floor in front of the stage where she stood with a big pad of paper and super speedy drawing powers.

another was a visit from aiko cuneo, in conjunction with scrap (the scroungers center for reusable art parts). the kids went crazy and made unique and very wearable hats. they got to use glue guns and some kids got very creative.

thanks to the parents who organized these great events. we are lucky to have our kids' elementary school as a resource in the neighborhood long after the school day has ended.

and parent conferences were not too awful. after just a few months maya's teacher amazingly sees all the talents and subtle challenges i see in my kid. it feels nice to have your kid understood.

today maya said we were lucky that we can walk to a bookstore (there is a new branch of the dogeared books empire opening on 24th street). we started to make a list of things we could walk to:

dance class

school

st francis ice cream parlor

the bookstore

the library

the water park

the donut store

a's house

g's house

the skate park

the bakery

m's house

the garage sale

walgreen's

million fishes art gallery

the rice and beans restaurant (aka casa sanchez)

and in an emergency...the hospital

i just have to say that i had such a nice day with my two children i started to feel sad thinking about them growing up and leaving me. just walking around the neighborhood, and then attending an ice cream social birthday party at st. francis (no wonder they were so nice,they were fully sugared up), watching them play with their friends. then holding hands walking home in the dark past some very far gone men, hipsters smiling at us on their dates, passing toddlers reaching for our party balloon, an ambulance speeding by, the horrible window displays at walgreens and then home-- i felt so in love with my offspring. sorry if that sounds strange, and they both returned the feeling, maya with her many mommy i love yous, and miles with a request for cozy time. he read his book smushed next to me in maya's bunk, then climbed into his own, and said a now rarer "love you", too.

enjoy it while you can.

hiiiii

mask made in art program at sf parks and rec afterschool enrichment program

in a very excited voice maya told me about this girl who had said hi to her near the jump rope area. she demonstrated how the girl had said "hiiiiiiiii!" with a huge exaggerated smile, standing on her tiptoes, with her arms up over her head kind of in a diving pose. she showed me this several times, cracking up when she said the big "hiiiiiii". i said the girl must like her a lot, kind of picturing a patronizing and slightly older kid. then maya told me that the girl was in the class "where a lot of the kids are hurt. one is even in a WHEELCHAIR!" and i realized she was talking about the primary special day class.

interesting that maya thought of this as the class where "a lot of the kids are hurt". i explained a little bit about wheelchairs, but really, only one kid is in a wheelchair, there are just a lot of kids in the class who move a little differently. and kind of awesome that maya was so amused and thrilled at the way this girl greeted her. maya thought this girl was just "SO FUNNY!"

somehow this anecdote was an antidote to the description i heard this weekend about the wondrous acres of land, knitting, high teacher student ratio, wood shop, and focus on social emotional development and creativity to be found at the private school where my friend's kid just started. i am not in denial, and know my kids will have an education constrained by budget issues, and ridiculous testing, and many other obstacles. but at least they are in a place that is open and welcoming to all.

hiiiiiiiii to all of you, too.

scary witch

howdy

sorry about this very generic photo of pastorino's pumpkin patch. but look at the pumpkins! the hills, the mist? the cute children! and what about this creepy creepy witch? maya listened to her gravely and then bravely posed for this photo.

this is the time of year when we are confronted with lots of images of death--graves and bones and ghosts and leaves that have fallen off the trees. the whole cycle of seasons feels a little strange here, because there is no winter. no cold dead time followed by spring. instead there are days of gloom and days of sun with holidays that evolved over thousands of years in very different climates attached to the calendar on the fridge.

sometimes i think not having the progression of cold to colder to coldest to warm to warmer to hot to cool, with accompanying holidays and natural events to celebrate (light returning ,winter solstice, various religious holidays with candles etc. , harvest festivals and feasts when there really was a crop t0 harvest, egg focused holidays in the spring when birds build their nests)--really throws us all off here in san francisco. seems like food is always growing, and it is pretty much never the dead of winter, and birds seem to have babies any old month. maybe there are more rhythms but i am not feeling them. maybe this is a problem with city living.

there were many memorable thoughts and quotes and vignettes since i last wrote, but none so memorable that i actually remember them. too busy with work and work and kids and driving all over the city and picking up kids and work and dishes, and walking dogs and putting kids to bed, making lunches, iep meetings, driving, work, picking up kids, dropping off kids, work, meetings, making dinner, you get the picture.

last night we saw a huge yellow moon in the sky and talked about how big the earth is compared to the moon and the sun. miles stated that "we learned about the solar system today" and then proceeded to share some vague information and some false information. they are not learning much science at school, and although miles is definitely able to read to learn at this point he mainly reads to learn more about the world of manga soccer players. we googled image comparisons and the kids were impressed with the size of the earth and the sun. it got a little cosmic. maya found out that we are in just the right position from the sun to be alive. miles said something about the earth moving two inches around the sun each day which was a little frightening to hear. i guess that will have to do for now and i will have to relax about my 5 and 8 year old not being able to find good jobs when they grow up.

i am tired of seeing worksheets. i am ready to throw all the worksheets in the recycling bin and teach my kids something about the world,but then i would have to be a non-working homeschooling mom. which is something that does cross my mind occasionally.

i read in the paper today about rick perry making a big deal about expanding offshore drilling, repealing environmental protection laws, etc. a nice republican lady i know mentioned those crazy environmentalists and i just held my tongue. i had heard obama talk about his jobs bill the week before on the radio and had stupidly thought it might go through. it made sense to me.

andtoday a kid was being mean to other kids at soccer practice, again, and we graduate school trained adults just didn't know how to deal with the problem, again. because it is a hard problem to deal with.

how smart are we peoples?

anyway, tomorrow i am going to sonoma for a ladies overnight getaway. can you believe that? at bedtime i got many extra hugs and i love yous from my wonderful children, which i enjoyed. i will miss them too.

walk to school day

here are some happy folks walking up the rocky way to school for walk to school day. i had some work at home time today and found myself listening to some experts on what the lack of nature in our lives is doing to us. interesting stuff about how urban planners 100 years ago prioritized proximity to nature and the whole fascinating subject of how many of us are no longer interacting much with the world people evolved in, but with the world people created (they stated 53 hours a week average screen time for american teens). anyway, i better get off this laptop and go out in the back deck in the rain, or at least pet my dog, or water a houseplant. just five minutes a day of being in a natural environment (and the definition of THAT is up to you) will improve your mental and physical health.