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Monday, November 26, 2007

bryant elementary--hating my thoughts

i was strolling with maya and on a whim stopped by bryant elementary, 4 blocks away. 3 long-haired chatty girls were in trouble in the office and came climbing over their little chair desks to play with maya. a woman came and asked me what i needed. turned out she was the erf (educational reform facilitator) for the school. even though this was not their tour time, i had not called, and i had a baby in a stroller, she went ahead and gave me a personal guided tour of the school. it is a fairly modern building, but with nice big rooms, high ceilings and windows. art all over. each grade has a spanish bilingual and an eld class. they are a star school, so there is some extra time on language arts to boost test scores (which are low). they have an inclusion program. we went around walking into each classroom and were mostly greeted by polite teacher smiles and some very friendly students. they have class-size reduction and grade-level meetings. i didn't get the details but in the brochure it said the kids had music, dance, and art every week. the outside is big enough, with a new play structure. the k kids have a separate area with little bikes and stuff they share with the child development center. there is a little garden out front. a nice big library. the boys and girls club after school.

so, i was surprised by the nice vibe at bryant, which always looked a little rough to me somehow. most of the teachers looked pretty good, and except for one slightly zooey class the kids looked pretty well-behaved.

so, could miles be okay at bryant? would it matter that he was the sole caucasian kid in his school? would he be getting what he needed in the english language development class? this is actually a pretty valid question, i think. the erf person said they were doing levelling (differentiated instruction, i think), even in kindergarten.

the race issue is starting to really be highlighted for me in this schools search. i wish it weren't. but it is. i have to admit having some racist thoughts. i suck. like assuming most of these latino kids will have different values and interests than our family. that miles will be hanging out with the kids at the park who are great, but who eat a lot of junky food and have a lot of clothes with tv characters on them. hanging out with kids who play with toy guns and watch a lot of tv.

this is making me angry with myself. it really really really really is.

maya and i strolled home. so, i want to send miles to a school that is diverse. and live in a place where there is diversity. but at the same time i want him to be with people similar to us. a little different of course, but mostly the same.

what is the real reason to seek out diversity? so that kids can see and appreciate (or not) and learn from other cultures? i guess yes. then why am i scared of a sweet little school like bryant elementary? it's not the low test scores...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

hi. i just found your site for the first time. and I know that you wrote this post a while ago, butI think its good. I applaud you for admitting what is going through you mind and heart. So many people who are figuring out the whole kindergarten SFUSD crisis are very quick to desire "diversity" but in the end, they want their kids to be safe. And for most white people, deep down, diversity does not = safe. Often times people also forget that spanish immersion DOES in fact mean that there will be lots of non-white faces and families at that school. Who do not speak english. It freaks people out. I can tell. I can tell that my not-white family freaks them out. They are so relieved to hear me speak english, or that I too have a volvo, its a trip. Or people will ask if we think that we got our school because of my son's race. Wow. Anyway, your post is a big step. In admitting how you feel and what you are going through. I wish more people would have that courage. As I try teach my kids, its always better to be honest than hide the truth. Thank you.

bopper pye said...

Thank you for responding to this post. I really appreciate someone other than my mom reading these thoughts, and trying to understand them. Take care.