feeling some love

well, the last few days anxiety was high. i think it was set off by the brief visit from our homeless friend. he came to use our phone, as his camper van he is living in now had been towed. he looked terrible, skinny, very dirty, black circles under his eyes. he used rich's phone and made some feeble jokes about how he could do some nannying for us. his brother had been out to visit, recently but our friend was still living on the street. i sensed some deep confusion in him, felt sick looking at the dirt on his long thin nose.

yesterday i stopped by rainbow grocery and got teary talking to a very together seeming homeless woman selling the street sheet outside. i bought a copy. rainbow was buzzing with positivity. i bought some fair trade coffee, feeling good about not ripping someone off or chopping down too many trees in the wrong place. i filled up on bulk items feeling good about using less packaging. i bought some organic produce and cheese and felt good about not contributing pesticides to the world. i bought a bunch of green paper and cleaning products. this simple stuff made me feel a little better.

and when i dropped miles off at school today there was a big buzz for valentine's day. kids giving away and getting homeade heart necklaces, cards, trays of treats, a brand new baby to see and a dad of a one-day-old dropping his big guy off at school. miles brought his scranimals book to share and sounded so mature telling his teacher, "ther other kids might like it too, it's really funny." driving home past the valentine displays of huge balloons and flowers and plastic hearts i felt calm about materialism and waste. little by little we will all learn what we need to do to love and take care of each other in this world. i feel affection for the hipster lady running across the street in heels and black to catch the bus. the little ones walking to school holding hands with their parents. the jumble of houses huddled together in the mission, under a sunny blue sky. and the love is there even for the people who live around walgreen's with their shopping carts. there's lily in her dry-cleaning shop working away on the sewing machine. my house strewn with "maya baby stuff", miles' cape, the dust dancing in the window sun, the bluebirds flitting around on our deck. i put the tofurkey roast my meat-loving husband bought for us into the oven and hope for the best.