poor baby/ies

well, to make a long long long story short, after 3 days in a row of doctor visits, including a 10-3 marathon today complete with intern, attending dr, another attending dr, x ray, a drive to another hospital, a long wait for the orthopedist, less than a minute of consultation with the orthopedist----- bam, maya has a little cast on her arm for a recurring case of "nursemaid's elbow."

i probably cried more than my amazing and brave angel baby maya grace millman. she was incredibly good and patient. it was hard to see her in so much pain. miles felt his own emotional pain, jealousy, which was much harder to be empathetic with ("maya--gets--everything" he said tearfully after i picked him up from the fabulous ilsa miller's house--a schoolfriend's mom who took him in for a day-long playdate), but i dug down deep into my mama pocket and tried. he is still so young after all, i am idealistic to imagine he wouldn't have some jealousy over all the attention maya was getting. then we get home and he has a little fever and a sore throat.

i am wiped out. my mind goes into a spin that there is some bigger badder problem with maya's joints, and there is that nagging guilt--i was holding her hand when this happened after all. oh, i know there are far far far worse things that happen to people and their kids than elbows popping out of joint or intense jealousy and anger. seeing maya's little face as the dr moved her elbow around, she stared into my eyes and tried to half smile through the pain, such a brave beautiful little person, and miles just feels it all so much he can't even pretend to be brave, we all handle pain differently, guess it is up to me to try and prepare us all for the inevitable more.

i promise to write more about life in the city soon. daily life, work and home, have suddenly escalated in demands and intensity and i am just trying to keep up as best as i can. i feel like so many people need me to take care of them lately. i want someone to come and take care of me...gaga googoo

love