babbling on

i took miles to check out an informal soccer team organized by his classmate's mother. it was a very windy and cold day in holly park. we waited a while and thought they weren't showing up, but miles insisted on staying a little longer, even though he was shivering. finally he spotted his friend. and then about 8 more kids running up to the field on top of the hill. i could barely keep up with him as he charged through the trees and piles of mulch to meet them. when we got there the kids quickly organized themselves and began running around a baseball diamond kicking their soccer balls. the usual coach wasn't there, so the classmate's grandma was handing out balls. a toddler or two was chasing the pack. it seemed pretty casual. but the kids did all have matching shirts. and shin guards. and they had been there before. in about 30 seconds miles' body language told me this was not going to work. he pulled on my hand, turned away, got kind of stiff. he had tears in his eyes. he wanted to go home. so we did. and one side of me says it's ok, we'll try again some other time, but the other side of me is worried about him, that he will have to enter the real world of kindergarten soon. where it is not all free choice, where he will have to do lots of things, with strangers, and where (it is likely) his teacher will not speak to him in english. so this side of me is a little pushy, suggests we try next week, asks why not, says there is nothing to worry about, no one will care what he does. tells him there was a two year old there and that was fine. no, he says, it is better at school. and i like basketball. and, the heartbreaker, "i like playing with smaller kids better." my little guy. i really wish sometimes i could keep you with me forever.

i guess there is always the home school option....