is there a no place that no one knows you?

well, here is a picture of dearly departed chicken dog, who was born to a small brown mama dog right around this time in 1990. it's hard to believe how huge this guy was in my life for many years. i took hundreds of photos of him, brought him with me many places, pain in the @#$%^ as he often was, discussed him at great lengths with other dog owners. when i was in the hospital with newborn miles i thought of chicken and in my mind he had suddenly become huge and hairy with giant dirty teeth. terrible, i know, but the truth. his final years were tough, with a loud toddler invading his space (though providing MANY tasty tidbits), arthritis, and elimination problems that we could not rise above. he was with me for 16 years, from puppyhood devouring books and shoes and linoleum floors, barking outside for hours, lapping up boone's farm and beer in newark to being a doggie hipster in a warehouse in philly, and finally travelling across the country with a rock band to spend his golden years
eating burritos (tinfoil wrappers and all) and camping in the mendocino countryside in northern california. he is buried up at brian's by the graveyard path. he was a good good boy.

driving around today touring 2 preschools and then going to a parent conference later, feeling
so confused by all the options (the cheaper, huge, kind of wild but basically feel good and would teach miles some pre-academics school?--miles said he didn't want to go there because the wood chips in the play area pointed into him) ??? (the tidy, not so cheap school with a homey feel and high teacher kid ratio with kids in a neat circle for circle time, some pre-academics and only 15 kids? miles liked this one because they had a swing and a boy named jack who showed him around)???????? or stay at his present school and pay for familiarity, plus some pretty smart staff and his last chance to really be a wild man and make messy cakes and play the screeching game and be a superhero or pirate much of the day?????
does it matter at all? so we are feeling confused and kind of stressed and miles starts asking if there is a nobody that nobody knows you and you are no place, along these lines and i am asking clarifying questions (dumb ones of course, you dumb mom you) and finally figure out he is asking about not existing. like before you were born. or the dinosaurs now. not death or birth, but not existing. how to explain this one i don't know but it is the beginning i think of our son heading down a deep road that we will have to help him navigate.

the trees are waving wildly outside now, i am seated at the kitchen counter looking out of the window. i hear raucous laughter from a hidden yard, aircraft, old window frames clunking with the wind, some birds chirping and tweeting. no sirens right now. a little boy yelling no. a second of silence. my own fingers tapping on these keys. maya crying out mommy with her sore little pink eyes but i think rich goes in to pat her because now she is quiet again.