wish you were here

sorry if this is becoming image-heavy. well the soofis have come and gone and this picture of miles hugging nina (sorry we caught you at a bad moment emily) captures some feelings of love. click on it to see miles' almost ridiculous sappy round face. it was a great visit but i felt depressed last night thinking about how long it will be before i see my best friend and her adorable family again. cassie said well the years will go by quicker and quicker as we get old but that doesn't exactly cheer me up.


here is uncle evan at his birthday party. he had a hard year of losses and it is good to see him again out and smiling. we went to yoyo sushi, an old favorite for parties and ate lots, and did some sake bombs (beer in pint glass, balance little cups of sake on chopsticks on rim of glass, then bang the table with both fists after mispronouncing 1,2,3 in japanese and drink the bubbly product). evan tricked me for a moment when he stood up to make a nice speech about how we had stuck with him and preceded it with the news that he was getting a sex change. after a few drinks i was primed to walk to Therapy on valencia street and buy matching adorable very overpriced vests (think down vest with gunne sax fringe and soft fuzzy lining) with cassie. we walked to the mint
to join the rest of evan's birthday friends and hear some karaoke. maybe it was the drinks, or not getting out much, but the performances made you love humanity more than usual. we cheered for a lawyerly trim woman doing a matter-of-fact and deadpan hilarious version of jungle love with dance moves, an all out birthday lady, about 4 feet tall with birthday tee shirt and cake and candle hat who got up about 5 times and belted it out approximately 2 feet from the microphone, a transvestite older blonde about kaveh's size huskily asking in song if she really belonged here, and of course some super earnest folks who sang their little hearts out, channeling american idol. and hugh diamond!!! growling johnny cash in some seeming jolly confusion with his buddies cheering wildly. the mint packed wall to wall with people of all sorts, a pregnant woman hit on aaron in front of his pregnant wife, a cute gay man bought rebecca a drink, evan looked relaxed, and i barely thought of my children for once.

yesterday at ocean beach the kids going wild attacking kaveh's brother samid and we ladies talked on the blanket and then i walked down for a last look at the ocean with nina, emily, and miles. we made a sand mermaid and nina piled on the bikini and hair. the sun broke through the fog behind the cliff house. an attractive indian family ran and jumped in the spray. i cried a little saying goodbye but held it together. this morning when miles got up he said let's see someone today that we love. let's see cassie and nina.

other thoughts--just finished reading ecotopia. i remember it floating around the big co-op i lived in in eugene oregon almost 20 years ago and it was old then, but i just loved the utopia in this book (as a novel it's a little weak). it's about how n. california, oregon, and washington secede from the u.s. and create a new society. i want to move there. if it existed i could stay right here and the kids could go to schools where they would learn survival skills and how to make things and work and get along in groups and biology and ecology. cars would be gone and we would live in a big apartment with our extended family and friends, working a 20-hour work-week. everything would be in a stable state, and market street would be a big mall of trees. mini-cities would ring the bay, and we would have communes or country homes to go to when we wanted. no poison rubber baby bottles. no lights on at night.

other random thoughts: the napping lot. this idea needs to become a reality. a van is stocked with things you might need while trapped in the car with a sleeping baby. coffee. basic groceries. cheesy magazines. the van is in a quiet lot, somewhere scenic but near the city,where you can get out, leave the baby in the car, get your coffee, make your phone calls, stretch. for a small extra fee their nanny-checked employees will watch the baby while you use their little restroom. the most deluxe location would be in a parking lot adjacent to a small fenced-in park, with cartoons showing in a corner somewhere, for the older child who does not like being angrily shushed by his exhausted mother while she drives up and down the highway wasting gas and warming the atmosphere while trying to keep her worn-out baby asleep for just a one-hour nap. whaddya think?

what about the goat-ramp on highway one with cafe?

am i thinking in these directions because i don't want to return to work? probably.

rich is out tonight playing music with jello biafra.
our anniversary is in 2 days and no plans. it has been over four years now and we haven't been able to line up a babysitter. i think it is me. i can't imagine not being able to communicate and waking up and finding a stranger there to comfort me. uncle mike did do a good job one time, though, holding maya tight and showing her pictures on his cell phone until she gave up in exhaustion.

night night