pinnacles national monument

my teacher friend and i took our three kids on an overnight road trip to pinnacles national monument.
there was a very cold swimming pool and a very empty, post-memorial day weekend campground.  we took the hike to bear gulch reservoir which led through a tunnel and two caves, and along some cliff edges which gave me some major vertigo but which i survived.  miles was very kind to me as i clung to the rock wall.  we reached the reservoir at the top (pictured above) just in time to to see a gray fox wind his way down to the water to take a drink.  this morning my friend took the two older kids on a hike almost to the top of the pinnacles.  maya and i stayed below in micro-nature, clearing a space on the ground and building an elaborate tiny village with rocks and sticks right next to a real-live babbling  brook.

along with the fox we saw:
lizards,
bats,
lots of california condors, which are extremely rare
many rabbits,
many quail families
many ground squirrel families

during the night i had a nightmare in which i was living in a housing complex of some sort where a group of people had become violent and were yelling and screaming and shooting guns.  in the dream i was desperate to keep my kids safe and didn't know where to go.  the dream woke me up and when i was fully awake i heard a pack of coyotes howling and yelping in the night.  straight above were countless stars but no one else was awake to see them.

highly recommended campground and hikes, especially if you are not afraid of heights!

carnaval 2012, kindergarten graduation

pineapple weed growing in a sidewalk crack, 23rd street by the hospital

maya's kindergarten graduation, note the emotion in the backs of the audience members

a dancer in the most excellent carnaval parade today. reminded me of new orleans more than usual, especially the haitian,bolivian, and peruvian crews.  

 at parque ninos de unidos the free farm stand was giving away acme bread, lettuces, pepper seedlings, chard, basil, and these flowering herbs.  the kids ran around high on candy from the parade topped with a watermelon ice pop (no watermelon, chocolate seeds).  miles and his buddy watched two teenagers with skin color and styles somewhat similar to theirs leaning on each other in the grass and laughing with some cute girls and miles said that that would be him and his buddy when they got older.  the neighborhood was full of the buzz of visitors for carnaval, and 23rd street was lovely as usual with landscaped sidewalks and friendly neighbors.  some happy and drunk older men had a pet siamese cat with them eating catfood beside their beer cooler.  tonight miles asked me to meditate with him, which we did with a hokey ipad app.  i am feeling melancholy about my kids growing up so fast, what else is new...

it is what it is

a friend started telling me about how great it was for her kids when they visited a friend in napa. a big backyard, a tree house, a homemade hot tub, the kids just go off and play for hours. she said her friends just don't realize how hard it can be with kids in the city. as we talked our boys were running around on a soccer field, the girls on a playground with a view of the bay over to oakland, red tailed hawks very high above in the cool clouds. i started my questions of "why are we here then, are we just crazy?", and she replied, probably annoyed at how often i go down this trail of thinking (as you probably are, dear readers)"it is what it is.". this is a saying I have heard many times, and which usually sounds kind of meaningless, but today it seemed right. i need to start thinking more in this zen like way or I will go nuts wondering if i am squandering my kids' lives, and mine, by being in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing. it is hard, but there are good things here, and it is what it is. the kids and I watched a great little documentary today called beavers, and i actually found myself wishing i was a beaver, swimming in the clear cold water up in the mountains, surrounded by aspen trees. i will never be a beaver, and i may never live in the country by a river, and i most definitely will never have any certain knowledge that i am making the right choices about where and how to live. this morning we all went to st. francis for breakfast and then miles and i took a very sweet and aimless walk around the neighborhood. we wandered up to harrison street which was closed off for the start of carnaval, and bumped into his school nurse, our neighbor, who mentioned ping pong. and there was the mission rec center right across the street. we went in and found some serious chinese senior citizens playing ping pong. salsa music was blasting in the center as people walked on treadmills and big men played handball in the little squash courts. another chinese family was hanging out, and without much language in common the mom and i assembled the third ping pong table and played doubles for quite a while with her ten year old girl. as we walked back in the sun, talking about architecture and graffiti, miles said that this was a pretty good day so far, and a pretty good summer so far. and i agreed.

edsource report

a brief conversation with a fellow parent this morning had my flee the city alarms ringing.  this parent recently went through a credentialing program to become a teacher, but this is not a good time to be hired in the schools, so she has gone back to work in the non-profit world.  she mentioned considering fleeing not just the city, but california.  she actually has options to move out of the country.

if you have time,  read this edsource report.  click download for the whole thing.  it will either make you want to go out and advocate for tax initiatives that may help the schools, or flee to another state.  or country.  i am sure you know this already, dear readers, but california is a mess.  a beautiful, complicated, mess.

repeat to self: look at my own kids, they are doing fine, they are doing fine.  and where would we flee anyway?  delaware?  a ritzy suburb somewhere?  canada?  i am not sure there is anywhere we could go, and say we did make it out of here to some land far away, how would it feel to be so alone?

there is history of people fleeing unacceptable conditions for promises from far-away lands. all of my ancestors left europe for america during the last two-hundred years.  my best friend left messy california for the relative wealth and stability of the midwest.   there is also history of people staying to fight those unacceptable conditions.  i am starting to feel that i need to step up my efforts to  improve things for our kids and state if we are not going to flee, but how?  it is daunting, but seems imperative.    and do we need an escape plan if things get really really bad?  the economy is getting pretty bad, and it is hard not to wonder if i am just duping myself believing that this is a good place to raise my kids.

once again, repeat to self:  look at your kids, they are doing fine, they are doing fine.  they like school, they have friends, they are at grade level or above, they are healthy and often very happy.

read the report and spread it around.

the map is the territory

tonight i went out with some co-workers to celebrate and say goodbye to two fellow speech and language pathologists who are getting married and moving away.  one to vegas and one to germany.  it was nice.  at the restaurant i bumped into an old friend from delaware who was going to an art opening later near my house.  i went on the way home and my friends from delaware were already gone but i spent a lot of time looking intently at this amazing amazing artwork.  i love that the gallery where this art was shown is two blocks from my home.  i wish i had $2000 bucks to spare to bring home this beautiful work.

one of our guinea pigs died last night and the kids were devastated.  it is so sad to see my boy child unable to express his feelings.  all he can express articulately is anger and joy.  he cried so hard and hid behind the couch sobbing when he heard the news.  i tried to tell him that he didn't have to talk but that i was here if he needed someone just to hug him but he just sobbed harder and put his hand up saying "don't, just don't".  it seems pretty biological how hard it is for boys to express their feelings.  my daughter, on the other hand, accepted her parents' hugs and cried about how she was heartbroken and accepted comfort. this morning she woke up early and  wrote this poem (spelling  corrected):

love will be found

he died, died, but i still love him
he was a great great friend
but there was a end

and he wasn't there again
prince mermaid

when do i let my kid outside alone?

here is maya with a butterfly on her head at the california academy of sciences.  with all of the million dollar exhibits there, her favorite encounter was this one.  i chaperoned this field trip and one kindergarten boy who had never been there before told me "this is a magical place."

the school year is almost over, and i am counting down the minutes.

we were at a friend's house near precita park yesterday and she was telling me how nice it was that her third grader can leave the house alone to cross the street to the park and a new cafe.  i was doing this kind of stuff at age 6.  i remember roaming the woods and finding forts, an area we named strawberry field, the mulberry bush grove, collecting baby frogs. and walking probably 10 blocks by fourth grade to the pet store, and the drug store to buy candy.  yes, there were some wierd times, like when someone hung pornography in the branches of the trees by strawberry fields, and when i almost got hit by a car while running a lemonade stand with aggressive marketing.  but i survived.

it is just too crazy where we live for me to let my kid out alone yet.  i know it is a combination of my tendency to worry and the reality of many mentally ill folks,careless drivers, and crazy traffic around here, but sooner or later this needs to happen.  i need to let him out there alone so he can start to feel more independent and confident.  is living here making my kids less independent?  they are still in the look mommy, watch me, watch me, look, listen stage, sharing their hula hoops skills, calvin and hobbes strips, yu-gi-oh cards.  it is nice and annoying at the same time to have your attention so desired.  do many nine year olds still say "mommy look" upwards from 20 times a day?

anyone reading this have an opinion?  does living somewhere less safe hinder your child's development of independence?  and when are kids ready to be alone in a gritty urban environment?

we will be in sonoma for a few weeks this summer, and i will be giving my son some space to cross a street alone, and buy himself a treat, and then return safely to his mama.

something very small but good.  the wonderful room parents at my kids' school have arranged an end of the year celebration to which were invited "all third grade families", but i noticed that this group did not include the kids in the 2nd/3rd special day class.  i mentioned this to the planners and within a day they had sent out the invitation to those families as well.

the way things are set up for kids in special day classes there are big obstacles for them and their families to be part of the school social community.  most kids come and go on buses, which decreases opportunities for their parents to interact with other school community members.  most of the kids are not very verbal, so they are not going to arrange their own play dates which is how most elementary kids get the out of school social time they love.  and if your kids are not going to have fun with their buddies it is a lot less tempting to put them in the child care at pta meetings, bring them to community building events, etc.  the bottom line is that kids make connections from being together, either in the same classroom or on the same soccer team, or through their parents being friends, and the kids in the special day classes are mostly just with the small group of kids in their own class.

so there need to be more times that kids in the special day classes are with kids in other classes.  with support, of course, to be successful and make friends.  and there needs to be more effort for parents of kids in the special day classes to be included.  i would like to see a lot more of that going on at my kids' school.  i know it is hard with all the other needs.  i was happy to see that ALL the third grade kids were invited to this celebration and i hope they all come.  it will take a whole lot of little steps to make this kind of change, but it should happen.

sorry, extra super jumpy post

it has been a little extra sketchy around here lately, or maybe i have just been tuning in more to reports of robberies and assaults. ok, i will just say it, shootings. there is a new establishment across from walgreen's called the dirty pigeon. the kids were peering into it from the back seat of the car while i was trying to make a right turn and maya said "it's a bar, or maybe a bar that's a tattoo parlor too." so glad she knows these things. miles and i were joking about how it would be nice to have a new place called the clean white swan instead of the dirty pigeon and cracking ourselves up. it has become the new thing to say around here for a laugh, for no real reason "you dirty pigeon". but deep down not so hilarious when i see a bunch of huge drunk what look like teenagers hanging out outside in a cheech and chong-esque cloud of smoke. i looked it up and the dirty pigeon is actually this . the urban dictionary has a definition here.

maybe i am just getting old. i feel all touchy-feely about pigeons and don't want my kids around a store whose motto is "shitting on everybody". maybe i just need to chillax. a decade ago our friends lived in a warehouse where the dirty pigeon is now and we used to go to super loud parties with live bands playing until 3 in the morning and all kinds of revelry happening. i am sure there were neighbors with kids who didn't love that.

at my niece's birthday miles played about 4 hours of fuzbol. it was a great way for people of various languages, ages, and genders to come together in intense competition and illegal spinning. it made me think about what i am going to need to do to make our boring apartment more enticing for the kids and their friends when they get bigger. fuzbol? ping pong? my mom suggested a swimming pool which made my mind immediately jump to flee the city images, there we are in our country home in sonoma county with a nice pool and the kids are all hanging out. but maybe we can just keep them around with video game time and tasty snacks. maybe we will end up being the place where the kids practice with their rock bands. who knows.

as usual, to cancel out the dirty pigeon and crime statistics we were given a glorious weekend of parties with close-by family, a sunday streets packed with sun and familiar faces and yummy food and live music, and city culture opportunities. here is a photo of maya performing at the brava theater today for the dance mission recital. there were amazing young taiko drummers, salsa dancers, modern ballerinas, and awesome hip hoppers. the other photo is from a week or so ago when miles went on an overnight camping trip to the presidio with his class. the kids walked to the golden gate bridge overlook and then slept on a bluff high above baker beach in gear supplied by the camping in the presidio program, surrounded by cypress and eucalyptus and their buddies. very special.

so, stay here but move somewhere calmer and safer in the city? this would entail more income. stay right here and take our chances? get a ping pong table and some mace? decisions decisions decisions.

xo

tedd's birthday

if you have a minute and are in the mood for some somewhat raunchy punk rock, take a moment and listen to some songs by yusakuta. dear tedd, happy birthday, your music lives on. the kids are big enough now to observe that the lyrics contain some bad words, and i am big enough to tell them that that's ok. yusakuta was one of the best times of my life. they have seen all the yusakuta era photos and you are becoming a bit of a legend around our household.

my kids are way into hair as well, lots of styling going on. i just told maya i wish we could hang out with my friend tedd. i said he would be able to do some cool hairstyles for her. "oh yay!" she said "rock hairstyles?"

yes!

miss you very very much, my friend.

yusakuta.blogspot.com/

colors and shapes not seen here before

these are not the greatest photos, but they show a little of what is happening out back as we try to reduce the rat enticements (vegetables). a little nicotiana plant has become huge, with endless purple blooms. the white carrot flowers stand taller than me. all kinds of nasturtiums are showing up. onions have flowered into perfect white globes and the arugula is flowering and peppery and covered with seed pods. a few forget-me-not seeds have arrived, uninvited but welcome. peaches, strawberries, and raspberries are appearing, and i need to figure out a way to protect them. there are tiny baby birds hopping from branch to branch and chirping in the cestrum tree. a thin empty nest sits in the peach tree. hummingbirds boldly sip from the fuschia just inches from me as i take a photo.

these rats came in and messed with what i wanted to do, and now the backyard is full of unplanned and beautiful things.

i am trying to think of other parts of my life in a similar way. there will be some good out of some of the frankly crummy stuff going on in the world of education right now, i just can't predict exactly what it will be. a now-child's novel about growing up, 20 years from now. a child learning how to protect herself. a friendship. a playground full of fruit trees. a sea change. who knows?