it is what it is

a friend started telling me about how great it was for her kids when they visited a friend in napa. a big backyard, a tree house, a homemade hot tub, the kids just go off and play for hours. she said her friends just don't realize how hard it can be with kids in the city. as we talked our boys were running around on a soccer field, the girls on a playground with a view of the bay over to oakland, red tailed hawks very high above in the cool clouds. i started my questions of "why are we here then, are we just crazy?", and she replied, probably annoyed at how often i go down this trail of thinking (as you probably are, dear readers)"it is what it is.". this is a saying I have heard many times, and which usually sounds kind of meaningless, but today it seemed right. i need to start thinking more in this zen like way or I will go nuts wondering if i am squandering my kids' lives, and mine, by being in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing. it is hard, but there are good things here, and it is what it is. the kids and I watched a great little documentary today called beavers, and i actually found myself wishing i was a beaver, swimming in the clear cold water up in the mountains, surrounded by aspen trees. i will never be a beaver, and i may never live in the country by a river, and i most definitely will never have any certain knowledge that i am making the right choices about where and how to live. this morning we all went to st. francis for breakfast and then miles and i took a very sweet and aimless walk around the neighborhood. we wandered up to harrison street which was closed off for the start of carnaval, and bumped into his school nurse, our neighbor, who mentioned ping pong. and there was the mission rec center right across the street. we went in and found some serious chinese senior citizens playing ping pong. salsa music was blasting in the center as people walked on treadmills and big men played handball in the little squash courts. another chinese family was hanging out, and without much language in common the mom and i assembled the third ping pong table and played doubles for quite a while with her ten year old girl. as we walked back in the sun, talking about architecture and graffiti, miles said that this was a pretty good day so far, and a pretty good summer so far. and i agreed.