well, after a blogging break like i never took before i need to ease back into things. so yes, a rambling post.
summer has already blurred over, but looking at my photo library we had: a visit from my dad and stepmom with a ridiculous kite in a tree rescue and some nice grandparent and grandchild bonding. lots of dug up emotion from childhood which bobs to the surface each time i see my father. my friend who fled to the suburbs of chicago came to stay with us and made me miss her again so much. there was lots of golden gate park time for me and maya while miles went to tennis camps. there was plenty of wine. camp mather, with that pool in the redwoods and a new group of friends formed around the ping pong table. kayaking on the russian river, and weeks and weeks in sonoma with my mom, swimming in the pool for hours each day, the sun beating down, lots of fruits and vegetables and time in the green town square. while many of our friends jetted from coast to coast, and off to hawaii and china and beyond we stayed,once again, very local.
and now we are back in the city and school and work. i see more clearly each year how the preschool special education system should work a lot better and it makes me want to fight. change is very slow. and i feel part of a much larger fight in which education and kids are a low priority. i have been fuming driving to work and listening to republican speeches and sound bites. my kids have it pretty good this year, with four solid teachers, but i am not satisfied with the way my school district is supporting the "economically disadvantaged" kids at their school.
being a parent, and working in a school system, and seeing the general big systems of our world more and more clearly because i have to wonder how they will affect the lives of my kids and students as they grow i've started to feel very small and powerless at the same time that i am gaining knowledge. is there a way to funnel this knowledge into something productive and fulfilling? i would like to figure this out before i get too old.
and believe it or not, still thinking about fleeing the city sometimes. maya and i were feet away from a horrible fight on the number 9 bus a few days ago. a 50 year old man and a young guy with an attitude yelling at each other and shoving and then the older guy hitting the younger--then more shoving and a woman in a wheelchair screaming about babies being on the bus and me holding maya and finally the older guy was hit in the back with a mcdonald's strawberry milkshake and ran away as the police pulled up. the constant traffic noise has me fantasizing about closing down our street. there are constant sounds of engines. i read ecotopia for the 15th time. i am an occasional peeping tom on facebook especially with friends who are living out in nature, but then i will admit it, i imagine myself living many people's lives and wondering if i would be happier there, it's just a thing i do.
if anyone is reading this, please do me a favor and let me know what you would like me to write more about. i will do it for you...