too far

here are a few photos, well not photos i guess but images (photos being objects you can hold and manipulate and babies can fold and you can put in your pocket and shuffle through great sloppy piles of and are generally more satisfying but seem to be fading into the land of old technology) from our trip to delaware when miles was about 16 months. there is my dad and stepmother and that's miles on the little fire engines i rode on as a child in rehoboth, signing "more" to request another ride. see cassie's blog (below) for more about rehoboth. rich is still in delaware, he boogie boarded and swam at cape henlopen in the 102 degree humidity today. i don't want to move back to delaware. but it is feeling so far and becoming so faint and it is where i grew up. miles asks about it a lot, "that land" of delaware. daddy is bringing him back an eagles hat from there because they only make eagles hats in delaware. we went there once on a train with our 16 month old child and it was fine. we will return there somehow.

with rich away my mom kindly came and stayed with us for the last two days, and it was nice to see my son so close with another adult who was family. not an adult playing chase or being super silly to entertain him at a party but just being herself, talking, explaining, reading, and of course buying some ice cream ( even maya knows it now--"i meem"). this afternoon we had a last visit with my cousin's nephew 10 year old lucien who has been staying with her here. miles loves lucien, to the point of following him around poking him with a sword and making crazy animal noises until lucien had to yell "calm down and leave me alone!" they were good together later, watching madagascar with lucien tenderly telling miles he was getting ice cream on his tummy as miles' jaw hung open at the animal savagery on screen and he cuddled a little closer between his second cousin and mommy. and maya sat on cassidy's lap, very rare trusting behavior, giving her the big smile. family family, they are a little different from everyone else, we all know that, but in the context of this blog about where should we live it is extra complicated.

we moved out here, so far from parents. but my brother is here. and now my mom part time. and cousin cassidy. much of the urban tribe family has fled but there are possibilities for renewal. maybe someday the soofis will return (just checking to see if you read this cassie). my sister is in southern texas, a place i can barely imagine. my dad and rich's parents still in delaware, with his brother. i wanted to leave delaware. first philly and then far far away to here. if we were somewhere with grandparents around the corner delaware it would be. or philly. but we left there and i don't think we are headed back east. this is something to wonder about. why not back east? i think i fell in love with something out here and i'm still not sure what.

in the future there will be very little affordable fuel and people will think more carefully before moving thousands of miles away from family. mine is split by a lot of space, but then, it was split when i was very young. in the future maybe we will be back to being closer little communities. what a crazy place where people fly all over looking for the right place to live. strange that i am one of those crazy people. i think i better stop because i am feeling really far away from some people that i love. if you are reading this you know who you are. it is my same old fantasy, wanting to live in a place where everyone i love is, the little intentional community, but that just won't exist in this lifetime.