extremely random post, sorry

out at the marina the kids in their red and white shirts in the green grass. some running after the ball, others looking out at the sailboats, some running excited in circles like dogs. afterwards we go and play at the beach, i am an old woman with a sore heel, my son running fast along the water's edge, begging me to race the waves with him, i flash back to begging begging my parents to swim in the ocean at bethany with me, the pure pleasure of holding my dad's hand in the salty spray. i run a little. we pet many dogs and maya walks on edges of things and scratches her leg. we get sunburned.

saturday night i watched a pbs show about how amphibians, who have survived for millions of years and adapted to ice ages and all kinds of habitats, were in swift decline across the globe. some kind of aggressive amphibian virus. plus chemicals and drugs including birth control pills deforming frogs and even changing their gender. a scientist in a berkeley lab, big gold earring dangling from one ear, showed a frog in a tank who used to be a boy mating with a male, having just laid a clutch of eggs.

today maya and i wandered by the brava theater and went in spontaneously to see an amazing ballet folklorico show. a little girl from miles' class sat next to us, her brother in the show. she speaks spanish and english at home and is now learning mandarin at school. she told me she would learn five languages when she grew up. she and maya made whispered jokes about puppies falling from the ceiling into their laps. adorable little girls and boys in traditional costumes danced and stomped onstage in this fine dark theater, a big roomful of people cheering them on, the girls smiling steadily, the little boys in their cowboy and groom outfits more serious. there was fantastic mexican fold music playing, loud and pure.

this is all random writing here. maybe this is how we humans are, able to process and act on just so much. why the heck don't i put sunscreen on my kids and i when our family histories are full of skin cancer? sure i saw a man on tv telling me that the death of amphibians was a sure sign that major things are going wrong, but i just shove that information into the overstuffed the world is fucked file. sorry, that just seems like the right word. then i can go about my day and let in the sensory pleasures of music, sun, birthday cakes, my kids laughing, the sight of a red-tailed hawk chasing a bird around the sky above our deck, a bath while drinking water with spearmint from the garden, the smell of lemon tree blossoms.

this afternoon i went to hide in the garden to make a long-distance call away from my children. as i walked down the steps a robin fluttered clumsily away. i sat down on the bench and was surprised to see a whole blue robin's egg lying alone in the brown mulch. strange. i told miles not to touch it because the robin might try and take care of it, but what can it do? build a nest around it on the ground? can a bird pick up and carry its own egg? it is still lying there, glowing a little in the twilight.

goodnight