it was a sick spring break. not sick in the good way, just the sick way. despite the assorted germs we did get a good dose of science museums, some quality puttering around time, a day in sonoma with grandma j, and a journey to the always amazing point arena. we slept in the shack, listened to lots of music, used the outhouse, bathed in the bath house, walked in the wet woods, listened to more music, made paper dolls, cooked on the fire and the woodstove, looked at brian's cool collection of books with wierd photos, doted on the dog and cat, saw some stars, got very wet and muddy, and listened to more music. i found a big four leaf clover.
what we did not do while staying at brian's in point arena: drive anywhere, touch a computer, hold anyone's hand while crossing the street, hear any gun shots or sirens.
last night in our warm cozy beds, the usual fan/white noise blasting to block out the white noise of cars, trucks, buses, yelling people walking by, stereos, i could not help thinking of how in point arena we fell asleep just listening to the rain hitting the roof, music floating over from the dome, a few random laughs and dog barks in the night.
at brian's miles was reminded of guns a lot--there was a gun that shot little plastic balls about 10 feet, and an old non-working wooden gun hanging above a door. miles innocently almost shot himself in the face with the plastic pellet and needed lots of reminders not to point at anyone. he was also kind of a general nut, and seemed kind of lost, trying to figure out how to act and not quite getting it right a lot. trying to be a cool big kid, trying to be silly and funny like his little sister.
when it comes down to it, my big worries (two posts ago) about bb guns at the playground are mostly about my kid himself. of course there is the lurking fear that he would be hit by a bullet from a real gun, and there might be a slightly increased chance of that happening in the neighborhood of the latchkey program. that fear is real. but the freak out about bb guns is more--does my boy know how to make choices on his own that are safe and good? many adults don't, so how would he? there does not seem time enough to teach these things. i am afraid he doesn't get chances at school to make important choices.
i tried to tell him tonight how he could be cool and still his funny self. how he didn't have to act like his funny four year old sister for us to laugh. that he didn't have to be a cool guy like the big kids he sees after school. that he could be his own cool and funny guy. i tried to give an example of how he was a conductor at the music class we are taking. how he followed the directions and did a good job. how he made the kids smile but not bust up and go crazy. i think he got it, maybe. he was trying to understand.
hard to grow up, and hard to help! long ago for thousands of year it was just kids following the adults in their families around, or the big big kids who behaved like adults. now the kids are away from their families all day, in some nether world of kidness with not quite enough resources to guide them up. at least that is how it seems from my attached parent perspective.
right now it is time for long bath and then maybe, finally, some procrastinated work.
night night
xo
me
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